ABOUT

Kia Ora! My name is Alexandra Murcott and I am a New Zealand artist living in New York, USA. MoenaMoxham.com showcases highlights of my life filled with high octane to deliver excellence in all that I invest. Thank you for taking a geeze through the interesting things I create on the journey towards self love and acceptance. I hope this experience is thought provoking and enlightening.

“So, Mrs… What do you do”.. I hear you ask. Err well, let me think… What do I do??! .. I can doooo many things, but what does that make me? Who am I, what kind of artist am I? Are they connected, a collection, a process? Are my creations valuable or frivolous? Why does anything I do or make need to be justified? Well… lets see- this is where I have got to…

DISCLAIMER: This ‘About’ page is not succinct and it is by all intentional purposes self indulgent and convoluted. It at times it jumps around between topics and drifts into funkiness. It is a reflection of me and how I think. If you desire a neat and tidy short wee blurb, you may want to stop here. Make yourself a cup of tea and move onto something else scintillating like folding your smalls or hunting out some chocolate. If you choose to proceed, good luck to you- I am in admiration, you may be becoming a dinosaur- a rare being who wants to seek for ideas rather than be shown them. I hold no liability to what level of betwixed-ness you come out in at the bottom of the page, but I do hope it is a squiggly higgildepigidly one that perhaps made you question things a little, and where you may have had a snort of delight in the process.

Sooooo… mortality, sacrifice, ecstasy, pain, gender representation, legacy, sex, balance, pleasure, frustration, beauty, inner-work, purpose, value, self doubt, courage…. the yin and yang of emotional experiences; juxtapositions, sincerity & deceit, grace, identity, personal representation, the consequences of choice; peaks and troughs, loneliness, the repetition of patterns of behaviour. Dreams, our mind, aesthetics, passion, science, love and parallels… LIFE: we are all on it, and it is wild, dynamic and at times unnervingly tumultuous. What you see here on this website are the physical manifestations of riding through, over, and at times, below these undulations and how I help myself cope and heal from the choices and decisions I have made in my time on Earth.

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But let’s rewind a bit, I am a New Zealander; a Kiwi, a mongrel of many ethnicities; an only child with a soul filled with wanderlust. I come from a lineage of science + arty brains (a maverick interationally respected surgeon, a farmer who invented new ways of doing things and fought to protect a petrified forrest from Taupo erupting which was buried under his farm, a wildcard missionary who adventured into mainland China to spread his messages, a unique strategic planner & cartographer) & go-getting women; gold miners, milliners, an art history expert, entrepreneurs, a PanAm air hostess from the glory days of aviation, motorcyclists & racing drivers- yep, dem dames were WILD women! I was encouraged as a young sprout to develop academically + explore feminine crafts & arts while pursuing knowledge in activities that were traditionally perceived as male pursuits and pastimes.

New Zealand is a unique cultural mixing-pot located East of Australia in the South Pacific - nope it’s not in Europe (yes, sounds like that innit)… or ‘that little island’ down from Australia thank you.. that’s Tasmania. As a culture, we are ingenious, innovative thinkers & do’ers who have a deep seated pride towards what is described as ‘our little piece of paradise’. To survive the New Zealand climate (both atmospheric and psychological) on our little islands is an accomplishment in itself and something that I don’t think I fully grasped exactly how much has shaped me, until I lived in other less challenging conditions.

In the early 2000’s there was a humping international music scene that came with the film industry developing. 24 hour clubs and partys were headlined by famous DJ’s and musicians who would finish their world tours in ol’ exotic NZ before flying back to home.. well up until the government made clubs close at 10pm or have to jump through hoops to get a special license to stay open to 3am. I was in the right place and right time- my 20’s were wild, vibrant and humming. There was turning point at right about then when the powers that be started to get nervous about people being people and risk became something that had to be controlled and/or eradicated. Ironically it coincided with Aoetearoa becoming known as the adventure capital of the world. You could bungy jump, white water raft, snowboard & ski on volcanos, hike in remoteness, motorbike on beautiful windy roads, bathe in geothermal pools, experience Māori culture, indulge in local indigenous art & cutting edge fashion, or hunt deer from helicopters within the landscapes of ‘Lord of The Rings’. Our ingenious can do attitude, and friendliness was world renowned, and it truly was the remote land of milk & honey.

Sadly a perfect storm was brewing. The introduction of the internet, coupled with a relatively small, compliant and isolated population & other factors led to the virus of ‘Tall Poppy Syndrome’ spreading its destructive influence. There was a spike in over-legislation, a fear of letting people be people & move about freely to do so (zero accident policies.. like wtf? How do God(s) get messages through that you’ve fucked up otherwise??), and bureaucratic intervention into pretty much everything- the speed limits on roads (now being lowered), the food we could eat (a lot of what we grow/ make/ harvest is sent offshore.. for example, I’ve eaten more Zespri around the world than ever at home where we largely have access to imported Italian kiwifruit, not there isn’t a huge amount of seafood restaurants, and yes, NZ lamb- its delightful but will take a chunk of change out of your food budget). Although Tall Poppy Syndrome existed culturally prior to the internet, it was exacerbated by being able to see what the rest of the world was up to, but NZ doesn’t have the culture, belief systems or unity to positively achieve this on a large scale. Stunted wages, communist theology, general economic repression & an underlying mesogonistic (yes, yes, first people to give women the vote.. but actually to LIVE here, you might be surprised) & nepotistic structure to jobs & industry, a lack of cohesive spiritual acceptance + let’s pull out into the sunlight horrendous suicide, child incest & domestic violence rates (and that’s women to men too)… yeah you don’t hear about that now do you- go Google; you’ll be shocked.

There are terrible statistics for our indigenous Māori peoples; a good proportion subjected to living on or below the poverty line by leaders inflicting intellectual superiority upon less educated by over legislating freedoms and growth. Lets also add in the corrupt government more concerned with paying for advertising campaigns to falsely promote Aotearoa as a utopia with a perfect population than addressing these horrendous rates of mental health, child poverty & societal abuse; all while whoreing tourism and not protecting Aoteoroa for those that should enjoy it- the people of the land; New Zealanders at large.. (Phillipino, Malaysian, Māori, Thai, British, Dutch…and every denomination and ethnic group you can imagine in-between). I love my country, but my soul feels NZ’s sickness, (and I would argue there are pockets that are much sicker than others- Wellington, you would be top of my list). A misdirected, fractured & divided multicultural nation which is being taken advantage of; being used as testing ground for fandagled ideas (city camera’s with smell detection.. Waihōpai station, even the push to get rid of cash…), and generally having their basic human rights exploited + manipulated by powers in play while being suppressed by intimidating & insidious fear tactics.

Tall Poppy Syndrome is hard thing to explain to outsiders. Recently I was chatting to a young NZ friend of mine in NYC; we were talking about conversational power play, and how this compares to the US and other places. Kiwi’s like to jib each other in conversation- there is a tendency to throw out veiled compliments and the nature of the conversation is to try and one up each other with a bigger slag off eg: “you look great tonight.. if you are dressed up to be auctioned off!.'“ You get built up, but then instantly slammed down. Now, people would argue- it’s a good natured jibe! But I think it’s much more insidious than that. Culturally we accept stealing someone eles’s power in a negative way; there is a looser and a winner in interactions and even though these may seem ‘not important’ or given in jest, these comments, this type of interaction eats away at one over time. It wears you down and at night, or when you feel fragile and vulnerable, these comments come back and become prominent in your thoughts within distorted impressions. This starts young and is prevalent through to elderly, and where is may be found in a conversation, it’s also found in relationships, business dealings, driving (yes, someone might give you the thumbs up that they like your car, but they aint letting you in on the motorway merger) and the collective conscious in how the community interacts.

There are four main forms of stealing power, or dominating someones power in an interaction. Intimidation, aggression, woe-is-me or aloof. In all my travels, I have not immersed myself in a culture which uses these as liberally and intensely as New Zealand on each other. The UK was similar, and even Canada had similarities, Japan has ijime which is a very dangerous type of bullying which I felt was akin, yet I would argue that this is understood in a much better way than young New Zealand. It’s not a coincidence that New Zealand and Japan have the highest suicide rates in the world along with Finland and Korea. The USA (and I’m in New York to be specific) in comparison is buoyant and playful- people are excited to interact and enjoy hearing about ideas and thoughts on new projects; they celebrate success, conversationally; spiritually, people are attuned to want to build another up, allow people to strive to express themselves and there is an active push to help each other find resources to build the things we have the guts to dream of and are ambitious for.

Aotearoa I love you, deeply. I wouldn’t be who I am without you. Battling Welly wind (regular 120km wind patterns), and wonderful dramatic weather gave me a resilience to life & what it throws you in general (while teaching me to become symbiotic with Mother Nature and her wildness rather than push against her!). The liberal side of our community let me inquire into my creative personality while I had access to hiking and snowboarding volcanoes (need I say more?), Māori, Pacific & Asian cultures, diverse food & religions. I grew up with whales and water spouts visiting Wellington harbor, swimming with the stingrays in the shallows of Oriental Bay in the warm summer evenings, the Southern Lights and meteor showers from crystal clear skies, cow tipping (if you know, you know lol), vintage car and motorbike culture, and I was able to be let loose in the beautiful geography to explore and have fun without the pressures of big city intensities, health insurance and privatized health care, and the race of a lot of people doing a lot of things. Even the crazy cost of living ( I do warn you, it is incredibly expensive; personally by far the most expensive place I have lived and worked and that includes London, Tokyo and New York.. ) carved my tenacity towards making my goals happen. Comparatively, you can be relatively penurious on a world scale and get a lot done if you are resourceful in NZ but it is taxing and stressful fighting the hiked cost of utilities, food, amenities and the delays in getting anything in and out. New Zealand is beautiful, New Zealander’s are beautiful & unique, it makes me very upset to see what is happening to such a special place and community.

People from other countries think that NZ is a utopia and ideal place to live- and look, it may be yours, these are my impressions through my personal experiences; another’s can be totally contrasting from a squllion different factors. I definitely think if you are considering a trip to visit, by all means, doooo ittttttt! Every single community on the planet has issues and hidden social nuances which only become apparent after time. But I think a little more honesty is needed about what is going on at home.. I am not the only one who feels this way.

If NZ was a human she would be a hot supermodel glinting from a giant billboard in Time Square.. promoted & airbrushed to be all that and a bag of chips, but in reality, vacant & suffering from self hatred, spiritual anxiety & being torn from the inside out by jealously.

Ok, I feel you, it’s a bit rough, hang in here with me, you might see how this comes to be important if you make it to the conclusion of this page, because everything is interlinked, and what I came from is integrally a part of who I have become and what drives me.

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I am a passionate creative. I thrive on connection, stimulation, and growth via exploration. My accomplishments are diverse, yet on close inspection you will find there are key underlying principals and consistencies. The two most prominent are my attention to detail and precision execution delivered through focus and vision.

‘Moena Moxham’ is a pseudonym for my creative personalities and expressions. Creativity is an outlet for me to process my emotions. I personally identify as her, him & they, but as Moena Moxham I am more exclusively her. I am talented at being able to do things, but inter-personal relationships, thoughts and my feelings can make me feel quite swamped. I have a tendency to overthink and can get confused by being able to empathize with ‘both sides of a story’. I’ve learnt to consciously simplify my decision making, but if you happen upon me in my natural habitat, I’ll be figuring out a conundrum, and complex techniques.

When my thoughts become too noisy, and I become tired of the tennis match between the questions and answers in my head, I head into physical activities to look after myself and to slip into a less ego driven realm. Most often to drive, fly, walk, motorcycle, solo-travel and recharge my soul by experiencing new environments. Sometimes people mis-judge my love for ‘extreme’ activities as a desire for recklessness, when it is quite the opposite. It is actually a detailed process of risk assessment and a way for me to address the immediate while setting my noisy internal monologue in a side room. My compulsion to investigate new situations provides me fresh, unique and dynamic perspectives upon how to live, how to do things and how to think. Immersion within new cultures and critical analysis of my own introspection are essential components to my creative process which is broken into three phases; explore | reflect | create. My life is art- a life that I consciously craft and of which I am intuitively drawn to.

I love riding through windies on my motorbike at speed not just for speed itself, but because if I get the process and speed in a sweet spot, the smoothness; the interconnectedness of linking my turns perfectly (this is mirrored for me in snowboarding, flying, painting, creating music, embroidery…) becomes moving meditation; I mentally shift into a different room. In this space my mind is evaluating & prioritising immediate risks or actions, not projected ones, while I am dancing as one with my machine creating moving calligraphy within the landscape. The glory of the resulting smoothness and transitions of these lines is completely my responsibility and there is liberation in the singularity & high consequence of this process. My ego; the me/ myself/ and I’s, are checked by being forced to make simplified choices which keep me alive, and I am humbled by being confined by my skill level and mental state of the day. I have to be conscious of what I can and cannot do or how much room there is to push to or beyond my perceived limits, or how calm I am that day. Some days, it just ain’t there and that’s ok. I find a relief in being able to sit down at this point and be like ‘nup! OK! so perhaps it’s a sunbathe/ movie in bed?!’

I’m a very fast snail- you snort but let me explain- I move around at quite a tremendous speed- literally by motorbike, aeroplane, car, snowboard and foot. I wish I had an internal odometer mounted on my breastbone- the miles I cover! An odometer clocking the travels of my soul and of my inexhaustible curiosity with the world. I like to bounce between interaction and solo activities, and adore meeting others and sharing knowledge and experiences while simultaneously learning how to be a better human. My literal speed is quite in contrast with my psychological one. I savour my life and get lost within the minute details of which I take great pleasure. I am sensationally romantic within the aesthetics of being at a specific time. This has at periods caused great constance to those around me who would have liked me to harness my talents and use them towards a more continuous linear delivery of creativity. “You better stop playing around and stick to one thing.” they would say… “You better make a life from all that talent”- oh no pressure eh- it’s quite a package to wrangle. Well, evidentially I wouldn’t give up ‘playing’ and I’ve carved rather interesting channels with my talent. I can’t ‘stick to one thing’- like my art; like Life, I am volumes of many different interlinked & detailed chapters. There is a seasonality to my collections that mirror cultural trends and tastes of the moment. What I am doing and making is a reflection of myself and the world at a particular time.

There are different facets to my creativity which are influenced by sexuality; the intensity of this energy, my soul’s orientation towards physical & spiritual attraction, my moral direction towards these powers, my ownership over how I share this, how periods of abstinence increase creativity, and my primal desire to watch things grow and to nurture, are attributes that instantly come to mind. My passionate nature + the attention my physical appearance affords me has been a complicated gift- one that has been roses; long, perpetrating painful thorns included. I feel there are particular elements associated to being able to create as a woman and how this is impacted by the hormonal rollercoaster we ride. In my experience, this ebb and flow is integrally intertwined with our qualities of being ultimate creators, but this honour comes with intense fluctuating emotional challenges that require a multitude of different types of care & open-mindedness. A lot of the activities I love to do have parallels with climatic pleasure- the adrenaline of a perfectly executed chase of cat & mouse through heavy traffic, the sensuous vibrations of playing the violin resonating through my heart and breasts, the sensation of bringing an airplane higher and higher to the point of stall… It is primal & sensual delving into both adrenaline & deep creativity. Both wax and wane; are unsustainable at high intensity and volatile in essence. As in nature, beauty lies in the irresistibility of impermanence.

I am drawn to imperminant & transient sensations, experiences, things and feelings. I find them fascinating because they are elusive. As my self-awareness has expanded, I have realised that the joy of seeking for and indulging in these ephemeral moments is what drives & excites me. I love to love; I love to be excited and sometimes I find that excitement and scared are kinda the same sensation entwined with each other. I see the beauty in things which other’s overlook. More and more, I enjoy creating things which don’t endure in a traditional manner like painting or hard sculpture does; edible art, experiences with others, moments in time with my children and friends; a passing giggle with a random encounter, zipping through traffic, a bolt of visual authenticity, a conversation... My entire life has been filled with the excitement of relishing and becoming more aware of how to appreciate pleasure without it becoming destructive- however, this too is part of creation. The cycle of growth, blossoming, multiplication of self and then death is mirrored everywhere in Nature. I like to ride out these chapters of creation which flow with this cycle, part is my love for the unusual, a portion is because I am mercurial and love to celebrate the different characters within me- my fashion selection is a reflection of this, and chunk is my driving curiosity to see;' to experience first hand and to be humbled to redevelop. You might laugh at what I see as a transient sensation too.. yes there are the initial ones that come to mind, some racy, some dangerous, but then there are others like a clean kitchen, dying my hair, having a tan or being fit… nothing lasts forever, although I feel memories can be some of the most profound impressions we can treasure (yet inherently unreliable illusions!). I think feeling pressured by the worlds obsession for tangible things also makes me want to rebel against this too; I want to give something that can’t be taken off someone, a memory which can be a treasure hidden within them if they so choose- something deeply personal and special.

I have always been very detail oriented (it’s not perfectionism, it’s a little bit different, yes, you can laugh- I’ve given this a lot of thought), but learnt at a young age that a beneficial application of this skill was to reflect it inwards & learn to acknowledge, recognise & orginise my internal world. While my friends were focussed on money, careers & buying their first home, I was zeroed in on balancing my health, creativity and becoming a worldly individual. I also had a lot to dig myself out of in order to be a healthy humming woman. I remember at a young age wanting a vibrant movie of a life; a rainbow of experiences- but in my naïvety I didn’t realise by asking for this it included all the negative too; the big ups, can come with big challenges. I’ve always wanted to learn about who I am, how to do things and how to fix things. I didn’t want to just be the ‘pretty girl’ painted on the planes, I want to be the strong, vibrant soul flying the plane. My completive streak is at full play against myself; I want to beat my odds, push the limits of what I set for myself and become the woman I envision.

At times I am energised by external chaos, but in contrast my internal filing system is most definitely Japanese. I get lost in daydreams into different rooms in my head with different projects in them, and I believe that it is within this skill, that I have cultivated the skill to juggle so many different projects at once. If you do find me a little faded out- I might be mentally sitting in my igloo watching snowflakes or literally outside lying down watching clouds and guessing what creatures they are with my kidlets!

I endeavour to make decisions with heart and follow through with these with vibrancy, purpose and grace. I have a noisy conscious, ego & moral compass. My pride + remorse and guilt attached to poor decisions has a profound effect upon me, especially as my great memory can get stuck on replay. As with us all, even though my heart might be in the right place, my decisions do not always play out well and it is within the ‘I could have done better’s’ and regrets that I find solace in making something lovely. These things are like my apology to the Universe; “I’m sorry I fucked up” they say.. “I see my mistake. Here is something beautiful from my soul as an offering.”

In the age of self promotion and drive to capatilize off talent, and coming from a culture where success is primarily measured by financial wealth, it has been a journey to accept my success and who I am on my terms and measure. At times I felt guilty and frivolous about being on a primarily spiritual journey; anxious and unnerved because I don’t fit in a box (and don’t want to be), and I’m definitely not driving in one lane. It wasn’t really intentional, it’s a by-product of figuring myself out. At times I feel uneasy being fluid within a world that I feel more and more wants to be able to define, streamline and ultimately market me. I am successful, but it’s not within an easily categorised label. I compared myself to commercially successful heavy hitters (stars, social media personalities, famous artists) and saw only shortfalls instead of celebrating my uniqueness, until I realized that this is actually my super-power. Should we talk more about the challenges of what and how creativity comes about and the challenges that arise from this endless cycle of exposing one’s soul? I do feel that social media has a part to play in igniting anxiety about our choices. Whether we like it or not, we are hit with so many obvious and subliminal messages about what is the ‘right’ way to live, or what is true or valid purpose- it can be an immensely noisy world to exist in and find the courage to be authentic.

I guard my privacy, and enjoy my anonymity greatly. I don’t gel naturally with social media, and although I enjoy sharing tid-bits of my life & my daughters growing up, I don’t want it to be an open book. My friends value my discreteness too- in my world, people would prefer not to have their locations, assets or names broadcast. I adore being Mom and I love being social. My default nature of being a loner is offset by loving being Mommy where I revel in doing fabulous, extravagant, adventurous things with my friends & daughters. I re-energise by freely travelling where I wish and like the responsibility of my own choices; especially when I am luxuriating somewhere exotic, adventuring or ‘lost’ somewhere up a mountain in the snow, flying somewhere last minute, shopping for unique treasures, or in south east Asia squatting on a tiny plastic chair eating offal from a street vendor with a motorbike behind me and a backpack strapped to it.

A few moons ago, I was engaged to a beautiful human, but our relationship didn’t work out and we broke up before our wedding (which was in the process of laboriously being organised for the 2nd time). My other half ‘un-engaged’ us on Facebook and returned back to being a status of ‘single’. What we didn’t realise was that it would notify all of our friends and connections of this change. The next morning I woke to a tsunami of messages and enquiries. It was so overwhelming, at an already low point (and at a nauseating collision of multiple negative events) I was at horrible point of despair. Over the next days as I started to resurface.. I became very angry that a DIGITAL, unsubstantial thing could hurt me so much. I swore off social media for years afterwards and vowed to never let a program emotionally influence me in such a way. I wrote the poem ‘Digital Torture’ at that time.

Slowly as the years progressed, I crawled out of my self imposed ban on social media, although even today I don’t like investing too much time into it- I want to be present in my real world (but where has this blurred line moved to?) And maybe that disdain impacts in some way; even though I have cool stuff on there, and it looks neat, I don’t have a gazillion followers, and I don’t get a skillion views. It may be that it’s just not my vibe and the collective conscious senses that. I have had people make comments like “well you can’t be that successful because you don’t have huge following” or “oh, you are just fledgling”… actually, I’m out DOING things with real humans. There have been moments, even recently (which compelled me to add this to my About page) when I have had yearnings of sadness because a reel I have worked hard on has got five views. And it made me uncomfortable; it made me a bit mad actually.

Us human beans have been making and creating for millennia. 20 years ago, most artists did not really have anyone looking at their work unless they photographed, video taped or submitted actual portfolios to real humans to view. Did they feel lesser because no-one liked?? No-one instantly took a geese? NO. Was what they created valuable? YES. I feel that the value lies in what it does to the individual’s mind, sense of wellbeing and ability to positively progress into the next phase of life while being present in the right here and now, not the what happened or was behind. Have our ego’s become so fragile that we need too get high off another’s impression to justify what we do? There is a relief and pleasure in creating, and sharing it with those that are lucky enough to come in contact, or not at all and just kept aside for our own satisfaction. It is important to celebrate our gifts for no other reason than we were given them to enjoy. In my opinion, having no follows, no views, or no likes does not impact significance, but it’s a tough swirly world of emotions to navigate. Our value should not be impacted by others impressions of what we do- our value toward what we do is created within ourselves and our trust in the Universe (God, Goddesses, a power bigger than us little amoebas) that we are precious enough in any state….. It’s a weird process innit.. there are so many contradictions- I try and simplify it here: be kind, have fun, see the funny side, protect your dreams and ffs- keep on going- for yourself. HUG.

My fine art is the product of figuring out my personal problems, when I am through this and happy, I am adventuring and most likely found outside having fun. I cannot deny myself my visions and need to make things- they are a part of my growth. I feel very privileged that my life allows me to compete these cycles without being confined by other’s expectations of my creative production. For any artist this is a massive luxury. You may say, I am uninhibited to invest in any passion project my heart desires- yet let’s be clear, this is tough, it is not an easy process in any shape or form. It takes an enormous amount of time, planning and thinking, and THEN there is the process of creation. It’s emotional, physical and impacts on those around me. My projects are enormously detailed in ideas, technique and execution and I am intensely driven while I am within them to complete what I dream and drive the concept to complete fulfillment.

Time has been an interesting value for me. It took me a long time as a child to care about it. I remember being about 10 or so and my Dad saying, “well, at some point it will drop into place”. I didn’t see the point. I’d be up and going as fast as a I could regardless- my tank was either full or empty, day or night. As I have got older, this infinite continuum running in parallel & intertwined with me is of utmost value. My time and my respect for others is very, very important, and I hold it in the highest esteem. Waste or disrespect this at your own peril. I am non-judgemental and compassionate towards many of the shades grey’s in life, but when it comes to this quality I am very particular.

I am adept at creating beautiful expressions from negative occurrences & the process of growth. It is within this skill that the variety of my techniques + methodology makes sense. I progress and so does my art through the ability to adapt and reinvent. As a butterfly advances through the stages of metamorphosis, so do I with pain, confusion and fear. This process starts with an uneasy sensation which I feel in the fringes of my stomach/ rib cage, and the realisation of what I have done grows and tickles on the edge of my conscious until I stare at it straight, turn it over and unpack with all the pieces out in-front of my mind’s eye. That’s pretty affronting. It is awkward & raw getting up close and personal with my failings and shortfalls, and the responsibilities I have within the choices I have chosen. I then try to understand where the lumpiness around it has come from, what emotion is driving my discontent and where the prickliness has now become uncomfortable. What I create during this metamorphosis becomes a physical meditative practise that runs in parallel with my mental activity. My fingers or body moves while my mind undoes little knots and chains of my conundrum. It is only once I have exhausted myself mentally and physically while carrying my new technical methodology to a point of mastery, that I complete a collection. Some of the past ones have been ink drawings, paintings, bronze sculptures, textile/fashion collections and recently complicated patisseries. I am, and always was, a butterfly. One that can transform, not once but repeatedly to shine beautiful in a world which increasingly needs beauty for no other reason than it is uplifting, joyful and sublime.

Although from the outside it may seem that I am fearless, I am in-fact fearfull, It’s just that I do not want to allow fear to hold me back from what I want to achieve. I’m also have an unusual fear balance- whereby things that most people find easy, I have struggled with, and things which seem terrifying to the general populous, are not an issue for me. We are all facing challenges. Facing fears is an undertaking on an infinite travelator, which can make me feel both inspired and defeated at the same time, but it’s who I meet in the process that makes it all worthwhile. I have learnt that wonderful things happen when I confront what is upsetting and holding me back. By engaging with these roadblocks and learning how to sublimate through them, I have become more skilled at accepting and loving them. I now see these lumps less as an imposition and more as an opportunity to bloom (yes, sigh.. it’s a little cheezy- get some crackers). This is not to say though at times I don’t feel ready for the challenge and I may put off unpacking a particular bundle. Eventually however I have to return and sit down with it- there is an inevitability once I have seen my truth.

I did not drive until I was 26 (I was petrified of hurting someone else), although at University in my early teens, I had no understanding of nutrition, self-love and care. I was scared of travel, scared of changing lightbulbs, confused about balancing (or not balancing!) the girl and boy in me, overwhelmed by the thoughts and desires to live in new places and was completely crap at being able to manage looking after myself for a long time. I shook in my boots when I found out I was pregnant. Most of all, I was terrified by the enormity of my dreams and how to achieve them, and completely unaware that I could confidently & purposely paint these wonderful things for myself. In my life, it was incredibly important that I created a relationship with a power bigger than my ego. I’m not in control of everything, and really how great would that be anyway, because it seems to me, that all the extraordinary things that come into my life, are really quite out of my control to a certain extent (love, babies, chance connections, brilliant ideas, rainbows..). It’s essential for me to have a someone; an energy, a concept, a support field that I can release my thoughts to. There is a fascinating connection between thoughts, positivity, desire, action, faith, confidence & determination.

Some of my greatest assets and passions have been my most painful obstacles; an exceptional memory, a noisy and busy mind, being smart & capable, introversion, an irrepressible desire to want to explore. In many instances I have been incredible terrible at what I have become proficient in but through dedication, tenacity and focus I have found positive and productive outlets to convert these challenges to triumphs. I have overcome abuse inflicted and reflected within, and then expelled on others, and come to understand how this pattern can repeat itself if left unsorted. I have embraced the squiggly unpredictable roller coaster of a creative mind and learnt how to ride the highs, lows and encyclopaedic index of heeby-jeebies that come with this blessing. I have changed careers more than a handful of times, blown one up publicly to save the life of another person, have been a complete dooshbag and learnt from my mistakes (… yep and I’ll do it again), kept my sense of integrity, even if battered at times, and consciously chosen to not conform to behavior within industries that have subjugated women (in particular, but people at large) for decades- fine art scene, I’m giving you side-eye.

Yes, you may want to use the label eccentric; a Free Spirit, out-there and a bit mystical (that’s quite a compliment really), and yep, I’m often on an unconventional route. Although from the outside I might seem like a tough cookie, I’m not; it’s actually within my fragility that my strength is found. I am quite picky about where I’m allocating my fucks and where I will call bullshit… and I get that this can give me an air of arrogance or aloofness (which in-fact is most likely me feeling shy, socially awkward, tired or an uncomfortable trifecta of all three). There can be a lot of pressure and responsibility that comes from choosing to live my way- there is no-one else to blame, I’ve unhooked from the IV of a salary (yep that’s an addictive drug right there), my choices go against general conformity, and the challenges I face can come with less publicised answers… but I’m not special within this, our pain is univeral & shared (and I would raise my hand to say that in a lot of ways it is this that connects up together more than the romantic notion of love). 89% of the time I can sleep at night with my selections & I prioritise simple pleasures which is a mindful tactic that keeps me on an even keel when everything else goes off kilter.

One of the greatest luxuries of my life is that I get to quietly help others. I love that organically through following my passions; by pinpointing what makes me fizz (and flip out), I help others find things that make their souls sing too which also brings them understanding and solace. There is a deluge of misinformation happening swaying people into all sorts of unnecessary anxiety about quite basic things; follow the money. Often problems can be simplified and undone by stripping things back to the beginning or the basic components; we don’t need regimes, expensive products, or supplements in many forms.. we have a lot of the skills and abilities within ourselves to rectify our problems, we just have a tendency to over complicate them or want an easy fix. Good things take time, dedication & effort. In my opinion, I feel it is a privilege to watch someone’s story unfold; to be present to hear their dreams, and to sit with them when they share their pain, especially if they have not had the opportunity to share this before. I am deeply humbled and grateful to the amazing people who have listened to me, prodded me in new directions, loved me and/ or wildly opened my eyes with honesty.

For those of you who are curious, my formal university design background, started at 16, was in Industrial, Textile (Honours) and Graphic Design. I completed to teacher certificate in playing the violin, and similar gradings in tap and jazz dancing which lead to successes in theatre and drama. I studied Japanese, introductory Russian and have an ongoing interest in non-alphabetic orthographies. I really enjoy learning the basics of a new language when travelling and do my best to try it out on the poor accomodating souls that I encounter. My resourcefulness has lead me to create for my own companies, established organisations, mavericks, a European billionaire, non profit’s, royalty, solo on self made opportunities or as a team member of up-to-the-elbows-multi-day-no-sleeper creative tornados. My creations are found in collections around the globe and collected by patrons internationally.

In March 2018 and 2020, I embarked on my two favourite glorious chapters as Mommy to my beautiful daughter’s Adira Isla and Darzia Sanaa. By far, these little munchkins are my favourite ‘Bosses’ and we get up to all sorts of artistic and adventurous impishness together! They also challenge, teach and humble me daily.

In 2017 I was delighted to be invited to Amman to attend a private audience with His Majesty King Abdullah II & Her Majesty Queen Rania of the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan, where I was able to discuss projects of my design in person with His and Her Majesty. My artwork 'Mandala' was purchased as a gift which I personally presented to the King and Queen.  

I love my epic memories; my babies taking their first breaths & our first glimpses into each other’s eyes, the first time taking off & landing an aeroplane, snowboarding off the highest gondola in Asia (located in Gulmarg, Kashmir) with Indian army militia accompanying me with assault rifles on my gondola trips, motorbike road trips around Japan to onsens down corkscrew highways on stilts, night snowmobile races across a frozen lake to a midnight wazwan feast on top of Kongori Mountain with the men who looked after it, all while in the middle of a war zone. Chewing betel and nightclubbing around New Delhi into days that became nights that became days again.., driving my parents in the middle of the night in their pj’s to show them my newly fixed differential in my Morris Minor in New Zealand… which ended up in me overlooking how much petrol was in the car due to my excitement- sorry Mom & Dad, it was a very embarrassing push down the motorway we won’t forget. Skinny-dipping off float planes, swimming with phosphorescence & dolphins, flying inverted in an Extra 300L over Wadi Rum, meteor showers & the Southern Lights over Lake Ōhau in South Island New Zealand. Solo motorbike road trips through Myanmar, Cambodia, London, Japan, and other exotic locations, running my finger over the soft skin of my lover and watching the goosebumps rise in the pale patches of Winter sunlight dancing on their body... Multi-day music festivals in Aotearoa with my little Morris Minor car ‘Maria’, mind expansive journeys meeting souls of past lives, a perfect batch of macaron fresh from the oven risen with delicate frilly feet, cherry blossom season in Tokyo, eating fire ants & holy basil in Cambodia, being Au Pair in Tokyo to two of the most special little girls you can ever meet, meeting my bestie from age 4 in New Zealand, now us both grown women in New York laughing with reckless abandon and flagrant disregard to the tiply-topply bar stools we are perched on. Three day Thingyan celebrations on motorbike around the castle moat in Mandalay, dawn breaking at the first place to see the light, on top of temples in Bagan & Angkor Wat, in Rappongi bleary eyed after dancing the night away VIP with a Swedish boy band. My daughters’ first Broadway show and the pure delight on their little faces, spiritual realignment in Ubud while watching a pig being gutted on the side of the road for a celebration, a surprise encounter on New Years in Amsterdam, hiking solo to the summit of Ruapehu & snowboarding down.. and doing it all over again straight after. Smoking and talking politics with some of the brightest 85 year old female minds in New Delhi into the wee hours of the nights, motorbike adventures with my Dad, Halloween at Shibuya crossing… and the painful ones too, some too much to write: loosing a baby, looking after elderly to their time of passing, family dynamics, an 18 year eating disorder, self hatred & sabotage, lost love, and broken relationships. Big volumes of intense moments; of beautiful, vibrant faces, smells, sensations, feelings and instances, all cherished within me, although some laminated with finger marks smeared upon from years of pulling them out, and others delicately wrapped in tissue paper and boxed with keys.

Some of my hurdles have nearly killed me, I’m not saying that lightly, and others professionals have said would be insurmountable. Yet although I have been dealt some complicated hands, I have also learnt, that I am equally the maestra of my masterpieces as I am of my mess. I love hearing “it can’t be done”- there is always a way, it may take many years (stop counting; honestly people ask me how long some of the things I do take me to make- if I knew, I would never make them! it’s a ridiculous amount of time, preempted by a lot of daydreaming and planning, and totally daunting when I add it up) but there is alwaaaaays a way, it just depends how tenacious I am to keep fighting for what I dream. I have made profound sacrifices to be the healthy, effervescent human I am. I wanted to write that my suffering has been in balance with my success, but this isn’t true, it has been hard, painful, against intense criticism, and I have slid into Rock Bottom more than once. But, I also think this has gifted me a unique voice and perspective.. perhaps in this life I needed to be broken to be able to speak the language of pain and love and healing through what I make and create -a Kintsugi human. Faith in a God(dess)’s (insert many, many different names in here), my dreams, human connection, responsibility, and an enduring determination has got me to where I am now and it has been on my own terms, in my own time & way by piecing together information I gather, by asking questions to the Universe and & listening to the answers that pop up in my heart & mind, and by cherishing my friendships/ interactions/ connections with other unique, authentic wonder-kids sailing these wild ass life seas.

I don’t like bullies, and I don’t like lies, I really don’t like people being repressed and taken advantage of .. I also don’t have a lot of enduring tolerance for fakeness, perhaps because I watched the loves of my life try and convince themselves that the were ok- my family, my school, my country, myself …. it may now become more apparent how being faced with hypocrisy, fractured identity problems and lack of spiritual direction why my life took the path it did, because I too had these issues & I was a mirror to my environment. By choosing my truths, facing my dilemma’s and by being brutally honest I have found my places of bliss; but it also pushed against the mainstream, my NZ community & home country’s beliefs, my family’s values and my own perceptions in every way possible.

Are my creations valuable or frivolous? Well, in a way they are both. Creating gives me time for personal reflection, & meditation which is incredibly valuable for me, and whoever I come in contact with as I am a better person for it. What I can create can be completely pointless on a world scale, but immensely important on a personal one to the person viewing or receiving. Are those negative snide comments dangerous or benign? I would argue they are pure poison.. what do you think of my antidotes? .. Like a butterfly, some of the things I make exist for a teeny blip of time, but can bring immense delight within this short timeframe, and a lasting effect on a person’s mood or impressions of the world & their place in it.

So “What do I do?”. I flourish. With resilience, tenacity and in challenging conditions I thrive. My true value is not what I create, but that I harness my fears to re-generate. What kind of artist am I? I dip my brush, my hands, my thoughts into my soul and paint my essence into everything I touch. My creations are the psychoanalytical manifestations of travelling on the conduit between my thoughts, desires, pains & pleasures and the spiritual tendency fields. These ephemera may be invisible lines through traffic, they may be a delight you can eat, it could be a sculpture to hold in your hand, my caress, or that you get to indulge in the offbeat combination of colours and textures I am wearing. It could be that we make art together, or that you receive a handwritten note from me. Perhaps you are blessed to meet my most powerful creations; my daughters. Ultimately I hope that in most instances, my presence has been a blessing. There is a wise old saying which says, “in the end, no one remembers what you said or did, but they do remember how you made them feel”. I hope that I am remembered less for what I make, and most for the warmth I give.

Above all, I love encouraging others to stare fear down head on and get up and out doing what they adore. So get at it, take a deep breath, eyeball your dread, wrap yourself in it and fill up on it, because once you can nail that to the wall, you’ll be able to see behind it- here’s a virtual HUUUG, lets take a moment, it’s a big step- it will be ok, I still feel nervous too, they’re slippery little suckers- it’s intimidating staring at your terror & wanting to fight for dreams that may or may not happen, but I can assure you, you’ll feel much better if you at least give them the light of day to not whither and disappear into the ‘I wish that I could have’ pile to be covered with the negativity of others and your own whisperings. Turn off watching other people’s dreams playing out (Insta, Facebook.. ) and dedicate your thoughts to what is your greatness, it may not look like other’s. Dreams and desires are your’s for a reason, they are given to you because you can do it, you can make them blossom and you have the ability to find the resources and connections to make them happen. Go have some fun- you. deserve. a. life. filled. with, it! Find that prickly bubble that’s sitting inside and stare it down, it needs aroha, a generous sprinkling of this and slowly the fear will melt away and a new path to a better way will appear.

With Kindness,

Alexandra aka Moena Moxham - April 2024

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