Motivation and Oxygen Masks

There is more than one way to eat a Mellowpuff and when it comes to the whole concept of ‘following your dreams’, in my opinion, there are a few key things that make a HUGE difference. 

See these three little words have been making me a little queasy of recent- its being bashed around like a friggin doctrine.

We have little road signs all through life. We make conscious and unconscious decisions constantly- living in a sense is being sensitive to these. However what MOTIVATIONS are driving these choices separates the monkeys from the bananas. 

Personally, Truth, Heart, a desire for good, excitement and an adoration of people and personalities is what drives my ‘dreams’. I search out experiences and things to do that I love, but what is the driving background to all of these things is interaction with people. From the moment I get up and out and about I am intrigued and curious about where the day will take me and who I will get to encounter and play with. 

Doctrines in ANY form miss the whole point of the game. Its like watching a movie to teach you how to snowboard, you kinda get it, it gives you the concept but those muscles aint seen nothing yet!

I don’t step on people to get what I desire. I don't manipulate situations and I am NEVER focused on cash at the outset. 

Often I go into jobs or positions with a quite different reason than what may appear from the outside. I have had many eclectic ‘jobs’ over the years all the while collecting skills, techniques and a piece of my jigsaw that I need for the bigger picture. I love getting down and dirty and pitching in because I know I will learn something new and that the energy I bring to a group is there for a reason, as it is with my fellow team members. The only thing that I truly abhor is elitism and snobbery- London you wracked my fur a little precisely because of this. 

My love and understanding of people is what makes me valuable and unique. It is the true essence of who I am and what I enjoy, and is my ultimate skill: working with people and being able to select, manage and participate in dynamic and complex teams. My art is the product of experiences and is the result of how I process being out of my comfort zone and in extreme cases, in pain. Art brings me enjoyment and resolve, but it holds a different more complex type of fizz for me. 

Happiness comes in flux, and equally with her buddy sadness. Spectrums slide and shift left and right and maturity to me is learning how to cruise this groove. Glow in the ups and hug through the lumps. 

My story, and my love of learning and experience has taken me through so many diverse experiences. As you've heard before, I got wrapped into good things and bad, but always drove myself on my own terms. I soak up advice, knowledge and opinions but squeeze out with my own juice after reflecting and rationalising what I am working with. I try all sorts of things and love finding others who can help me learn or partake in the skills I do not have or want to understand. THIS is how amazing things happen; not from focusing on money or the holes- it comes from trying. 

Coming back to New Zealand after six months has been wonderful and also alarming. I adore my country, it’s stunning landscape and creative, open and dynamic individualism. Although I am disturbed, and increasingly so each time I leave and return, about the increase in the cost of living, the distress and worry I see etched on peoples faces and the obsession with money over experience. Many times in my life I have done things without pay because I love whats happening or I can see the bigger picture. I have not had money to do what I do or create the things I make, I have to go and work from there. But my life, and my pushing of the limits and boundaries of this from a very young age have given me precedent and trust in the process. If you love what you do, the money will come and things work out because of PEOPLE. I am known for saying ‘Dreams are free, the hustle is sold separately’. Genuine passion and belief snowballs. 

The crowdfunding project I ran and publicised 14 months ago was the trumpet blast of what I had been doing all my life. People said to me I was insane, people were hung up on the amount of money I was trying to raise (which to me was just a number), some people were vocally disapproving and were jealous, vindictive, actively and maliciously sabotaging components or parts of the project. MANY MORE were outstanding and realised I was up to something much bigger than what was on the surface. I always have a bigger picture and I don't get put off by people not liking what I do. (Actually this is sometimes a bloody good indication you're right onto something very cool!). Peoples nastiness took longer for me to be able to deflect and understand; just because you can stand up for yourself doesn’t mean you are not hurt or are bulletproof. People like to undermine or tell themselves there are ‘reasons’ a person is successful that prevents themselves from acting or becoming similar. As you grow though you understand that people will always try tag, allocate and undermine in the attempt to claw back power for themselves. Hard work learning and SELECTING the right skills, decorum, integrity and a sense of humour get me where I go, and I have and never will sleep my way anywhere. 

Sex and the implications on women that this is a requirement in the creative world to be successful, makes not only my skin crawl but me fiercely angry. I have been confronted with appalling situations and provocations over the years- if my legacy helps one woman or man not go through what I have, I will pass on a happy soul. To create is insanely complex, contrary to popular belief, it is not easy. To get to ‘easy’ with ANYTHING in life goes through ‘hard’. My anger watching souls pour everything into creating, where more often than not people are against what you are doing, to then struggle to have the courage, let alone the resources to publicise this and then to be prayed upon by sociopathic vultures wanting not only what is in your mind and soul, but between your legs also, makes me sick. Especially when what they seek is association and validation by others of the ‘support’ they gave the new butterfly to grow. It’s like being gang fucked. Yes. Vulgar, painful and degrading. I have watched so many young beautiful people feel so desperate that they have succumbed to this behaviour. Underselling themselves and trying to get by, and it’s getting worse. The creative sphere can be a little dirty, historically through to present day, but everyone of us can make a difference. I will never walk a well trodden path and am quite happy to bush bash and make a new line. Sleezy slice of the Art world you are lower than prostitution- at least that is an even playing field. If you have to sleep with anyone to sell your art, it simply is not right; right timing, right people, right circumstances. Harsh but true. But it doesn't mean it's not good; keep moving forwards with eyes on the prize. As a woman I got tired of the implications of my success linked with my sexual activity, but always look at it as rather hilarious- shit my social life is outrageously incredible- did anyone want to let me know?! Let others fill in the gaps- it makes them think they know what they are up to poor souls. 

There are many instances currently in NZ where the shortsightedness of ‘user pays’ is undermining the beauty of what we have and will damage where we are going. We are uber creative ingenious adventurous thinkers. EVERY one of us that lives here- because to exist in this land you have made a special journey. The luxury of land, our access to nature and resources facilitates our ability to undertake extraordinary ideas, but this thought process; the environment that nurtures a brain to be able to do this, can’t be running in loop panicked about putting food on the table, a roof overhead and heating on. WHY are you moving to Auckland? What is up there that your soul is calling you to follow or are you jumping on a train that someone is telling you is the direction you ‘need’ to go…? Money is love- do what you love and success will follow. YOUR success- not an image of this that someone is using as propaganda. 

New Zealand is BY FAR the most expensive place I have ever travelled. The day to day living is extreme and has recently been supported by international data collector Numbeo which has recently come out and said that it is now one of the most expensive places in the world to live. Overseas, if food is expensive then often travel is cheap, or vica versa. So many places overseas are pinned with being heavy cachinga hitters- but once you are there it is all relative- yes rent in Tokyo is high, but LIVING (eating, doing stuff) is cheap. Aotearoa is crippling, it’s food, it’s rent, it’s travel, it’s entertainment, it’s running a vehicle, a cellphone, looking after a pet or paying the power/ gas. When your brain is consumed with trying to figure out how to pay the bills it leaves very very little space to be able to think outside a box and MUCH less space to grasp how to be happy. Our unique ability as Kiwi’s to be inventive is being directly undermined by our quality of life. 

Where is all this coming from? Well, we as a race are intensely competitive, it’s like we have to jump higher and higher because we think the rest of the world has missed us- they aren’t even close- we excel in pretty much everything. Our government policies aren't helping and there is no infrastructure in place for the opposite. I eat more NZ grown and made produce overseas than I have ever done at home- disgraceful really when our groceries cost so much, and we can't have what we make. Costs keep going up yet wages are shockingly low and the achnologed value system for skill is appalling. Drop GST on fresh fruit/ veggies and give priority to local production. Like when I bake for my friends, the fudge gets divided up and a small box stays and gets snuffled into the fridge for the baker! We are forgetting kind basics…


Put the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on the child next to you. 


It’s a metaphor for life. We are no use to anyone if we are passed out! But as with anything its balance- you can't be so high on the gas you have forgotten the child is there! ‘Live your dreams’ …. yesssssss. But not at the cost to others. Life is Star Wars- from families to parties- bet you have met a Jabba, Hans Solo, and Yoda. Princess Leia your sister?… Chewbakka your mate at the rugby….lol. I have encountered Darth and his cronies- I rather hope you can avoid the Death Star…

Inner Child. It must be incredibly distressing to not be intimately acquainted with him or her because damn it is fuuuun. I think I am on some levels permanently 3, but if your small one has gone wandering I think it best you put your hiking boots on buddy and get mountaineering for under the rocks, behind the gorse bush and over the fence lies happiness. She's snuggled up with what makes you pop. THIS, if you can pinpoint it, will be what makes your heart sing and yes, bring you financial reward. I provoke it’s not a label like ‘designer’ or ‘doctor’ is much more primal and simple than this. What kid were you in the sandpit? ;)

A month or so ago I was at a party and encountered a Black Hole. A woman who’s behaviour and energy was to me simply quite fascinating in a rather macabre but utterly mesmerising manner. She sucked everything in and spat nothing out. All consuming and propelled by a fascinating velocity, the other galaxies in the room had an interesting orbital awareness of her also. Few were able to navigate her gravitational pull. Makes you think huh, we need all the planets to keep in orbit but we need warm, bright ones to make things grow by giving not consuming- we are all made of the same matter, we are energy and extra, and we exist and play within a world made from the concepts of our imagination.

Avoid the pack mentality, give everything a try, be a little wary of those that proclaim all the answers or flash around slogans willy nilly, it’s a cover and unfortunately they are like primary school teachers that hate children; banging on about things when they are missing the whole point of actually being there; imparting knowledge through fun.