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𝓓𝓪𝓻𝔃𝓲𝓪 𝓢𝓪𝓷𝓪𝓪
Welcome to the world beautiful daughter 🙏🏻
Darzia Sanaa
Darzia- (derivative from Darzi) Hindi for DARING= पुरुषार्थ
Sanaa- Arabic: brightness, radiance and Swahili for art/ work of beauty
9.59 pounds, 4.350kg, 1:22pm, 31st of March 2020
❤️❤️❤️
𝓗𝓾𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓲𝓽𝔂.. 𝓣𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓲𝓼 𝓤𝓢
New Zealand listen- this is us.
I’ve been talking on this strain for years and yet people in NZ don’t really seem to have been very receptive to my point of view- overseas I find the complete opposite, and, a lot of people who feel the same as me. I am intrigued and hearted to hear Matt Bevin’s point of view about the changes in society we are seeing today.
Everything we choose cross pollinates other things- we are little bees of the world. We need to go back to making beautiful golden honey rather than using our sting, our barbs at each other.
Humanity, there is hope- but we have to change- we have to take personal responsibility for what we are watching, what we are seeing, what we allow in our psyche. We must be the change we want to see. It is our responsibility to teach our children the real fundamentals of life; of love, of respect and of acceptance.
𝓞𝓯 𝓚𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 & 𝓠𝓾𝓮𝓮𝓷𝓼 & 𝓚𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓭𝓸𝓶𝓼
🇯🇴 The Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan 🇯🇴
Civilised, gracious, genteel, cultured, historical, expansive, and sophisticated are only a few of the adjectives that come to mind when I think to describe Jordan and the unrivalled authenticity and kindness of Arab hospitality.
Jordan is chic, and Jordan is very, very special.
Firstly however I would like to personally thank all the magnificent souls who took their time to share with me their energy, knowledge and the wonders of The Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan and Arab culture. To His Majesty King Abdullah II and her Majesty Queen Rania. To Eugene DeMarco, Her Excellency Lina Annab, Nadine, Mohammad, Ghazi, George, Raja, Hamsa, Samer, the Royal Jordanian Falcons. To the guides, and the fantastic hospitality from the accommodations I stayed… and special mention to Munther for being so immensely accomodating to our last minute changing of plans… tollerance level shinning golden! I was delighted and privileged to have the opportunity to come and discuss business endeavours and creative opportunities with you all. I am thrilled to find Jordanian resources well suited to the projects I have under development and to additionally find these facilitated and supported by like minded passionate individuals with vision; these are unique and valuable circumstances.
🌟🌟 🌟 🌟🌟
‘Mandala’, Gilt framed, dupion silk- padded when mounted, gold foil screenprint, embroidered signatures, (image) 450 x 500mm, 2015, 2/5.
Signature embroidery detail:
Gold M(oena) M(oxham) reflected 'knuckles' logo and Japanese Moena Moxham: Mo-e-na Mo-ku-sa-mu
萌名 木作夢 = Crush (as in the manga infatuation), Name, Tree, Make, Dream
Earlier this month I was delighted to be invited to attend a private audience with His Majesty King Abdullah II and Her Majesty Queen Rania. My artwork ‘Mandala’ was purchased as a gift to be presented to the King and Queen.
A mandala (Sanskrit: मण्डल, lit, circle) is a spiritual and ritual symbol in Hinduism and Buddhism, representing all existence. In common use, "mandala" has become a generic term for any diagram, chart or geometric pattern that represents the cosmos metaphysically or symbolically; a microcosm of the universe. Mandalas often exhibit radial balance.
The term appears in the Rigveda (an ancient Hindu collection of Sanskrit hymns) as the name of the sections of the work, but is also used in other religions and philosophies, particularly Buddhism.
In various spiritual traditions, mandalas may be employed for focusing attention of practitioners and adepts, as a spiritual guidance tool, for establishing a sacred space. They are used as an aid to meditation and trance induction.
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Before I get on a roll, lets additionally clarify a little of the miss-information floating around about this country and locale though yar. I know first hand what it’s like to be geographically miss-located by association. New Zealand often gets attached to Australia (nooo.. we are not that little island down there- that’s Tasmania) or mysteriously placed up there with Switzerland in Europe (I know… it sounds a little like that doesn’t it lol), Jordan often suffers being lumped in with ‘troubled Middle East’.
It. Is. Not. It’s a forward thinking, safe, developed and delightful culture- quite unique unto it’s own.
It’s tight quarters, with Syria and Lebanon to the North, Iraq to the East, Saudi to the South and Palestine, Israel and Egypt to the West- this area is one of the longest populated anywhere in the world. With artefacts and cultural remnants dating back over 10,000 years, this family has long standing provenance. One, which I would like to point out over those with a mere 150 or 300 years of colonisation; a bit more experience in living together. I balk at the audacity and arrogance of those with less experience and their endless opinions about what is happening in this part of the world- those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones- certainly not at those who have foundations that go back as far as these guys do.
I’ve realised some rather interesting things in my time here in Jordan and they pertain to how we interact and empower each other.
My culture’s conflict has an awful lot of basis in possession. It dawned on me one day in Amman that this really is not the fundamental kernel of what is happening here in the Middle East. Conflict has basis in interpretation; in semantics, in the details of how things are understood- there’s a lot of intellectualisation about particulars.
I was fortunate one afternoon in-between my scheduled meetings to have the opportunity to visit the Jordan Contemporary Art Museum. It followed on to being invited to attend workshop afternoon with visually impaired children and the opening of the museum's latest curation (above). It was here I had a fascinating conversation with an Arabic calligrapher (1st & 2nd photos) about the details of Arabic language. Taken by Burmese in the weeks prior while travelling in Myanmar I had also fallen for Arabic- phonetic sounding/ symbol based recognition languages are my thing. In two days I had accrued the basics but was totally captivated when this man explained to me the following: marks placed above the script can define whether the word or concept is imaginary or literal.
An excerpt taken from 'The Subjunctive Mood in Arabic Grammatical Thought', By Arik Sadan, which I got submersed within in along my travels researching Arabic.. what a language huh!!
This blew my mind- he went on to discuss with me the formalities of brush strokes, the precise rules applied to the inclination and angles of the marks; the spacing; the thickness of line. Reminiscent of the formalities of Japanese script I was totally and utterly absorbed for two reasons- one, the beauty of the thing in itself and 2, because it gave me insight and perspective to the psychology of how this culture thought and the rules and parameters they feel are apparent within their historical structures.
This meeting also coincided with me finding great similarities in what is considered ‘Contemporary Art’ in older established societies and the techniques these places are using to teach young minds. That afternoon I was able to discuss observations from my travels and my experiences with scholars and those to the learned level of doctorate. Both in India and in Jordan, there are distinct categories of expression which were, and are, considered modern artistry. A derivative Cubist style, a geometric block coloured and textural expression, loose lined sketching, naive illustrative figurative works, poetic form cast in bronze, narrative illustrations upon ceramic.. and a few others. Consistent and parallel themes, and in some ways this could be construed as formulaic demonstrations of beauty. ‘This is considered acceptable’, ‘this is considered Art’, ‘this is how we do it’.
Watching the children in the workshop I considered my finding from India, now in Jordan and compared them with my culture. Was history repressing the ability for those here in older cultures to break out of set appreciations of ‘Art’ and expressive formula? Are these kid encouraged to make what they feel or are they being told what it should look like? How does a culture steeped in historical ideals of what is good and what isn’t take on radical and unusual deviations from this.. how does a new generation influenced globally by different media find a platform where their work is considered ‘good’ outside what is currently appreciated and has been so for many, many more years than elsewhere, and how does a young person wanting to be educated and find success within a system find a unique voice without being rejected from the structure which he/ she is being taught within… If I thought my country at times could be rigid and conservative I had just encountered a whole new challenging system. I also thought- how does a relatively new culture establish avenues for recognisable distinction within creative expression and how do we educate people to the long term values of craftsmanship and creative outlet?
That night I was wandering the streets down Rainbow Road and I was people watching; a favourite past-time. When Jordanians interact, it’s hard to perceive what is going on within the interaction. Ok, there can be hand waving, there can be different intonation and louder speech- but the energy exchange between two people, on average is very, very even. (* note- hand waving, yelling and loud talk does not mean the person is radical or violent- it just means they are impassioned &/or demonstrative- thanks media for mudding the water on that for viewers) It’s hard to tell who has the upper hand shall we say. Often when we communicate- we can see a dominant party, or one that is submissive to the others, or the appearance of power-play being employed. Culturally we have different ways of coming together anyway- like in India, interaction can be all balls blazing from the outset and then we work our way back down to mutual respect. In Arab interaction- there is much less crackle and fizz and more even respect.
The following day, I had the opportunity to talk with a man further about my observations. I’d watched a particular theme play out two times in the morning which I’d pointed out to him- once between two men at a kebab stand and another time between another group of men setting up stalls at Jerash. What looked like from the external display to be some type of heated discussion about a thing (the lamb and the beef in the first case, and the items in the stall in the second) was actually about the particulars of the details. The first men were discussing the better qualities of the meat and the second the particular correct placement of the stand and the items. Less literal about the stuff and more about the particulars… interesting spill over into the religious quarrels surrounding this area also.. it’s not about the Quran, it’s the interpretation of the messages within yar..
Is this not what happens as we get older? We get more particular about our perspectives, more entitled to our point of views, more rigid in our perception of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’; ‘good’ and ‘bad’ interpretations… we get grouchier about being confronted about these boundaries being criticised also…? It’s a hard thing to break out of system when we nit pick the details and impose controls yeah; but is this not a battle that we as humans have a daily self responsibly to consider opposing or contesting? Why.. I’m always asking why… and I can be juvenile of mind. I flick my concepts around play them out and I don’t settle for what are other people's ideas; I refuse to feel obligation or duty to ‘be’ or think a certain way. In other words- I don’t believe the hype and I don't do what I’m told is ‘correct’… oh what a luxury huh. Yes, it is a luxury to have had the opportunity to grow myself up making choices to being able to think & ultimately behave this way.
Above- Petra. A very special mention to Adeeb Alhasanat from Jordan Inspiration Tours who's knowledge about this area is vast and is a fantastic representative to impart information about the culture of Petra and it's former and current inhabitants- I highly recommend him and his company.
These older cultures on some levels can be rather serious and I considered why I assimilate so well with the playfulness of Asia. One, the belief systems align more to my values and two, well, they are far more ‘young at heart’ in a way. Creativity and that inner child come hand in hand. In order to think outside the box we need to be avant-guarde, we need to be able to take calculated risks, and we need to not be confined by constraints, rules and judgements. It’s very hard to do something new and revolutionary if people freak out about stepping outside what is established or recognised as 'acceptable'.
Ironically- my culture, although it appears to be laid back and relaxed (touted as a breeding ground for 'creativity') employs the highest level of psychological warfare I have ever experienced in any culture, anywhere in the world. Control comes in dangerous and subliminal form and restrictions are imposed everywhere. Here's an interesting thing though- it’s kryptonite for most Kiwi’s to not be liked; to not keep the waters even in their social systems and community; we don’t like obvious displays of conflict. We excel internationally because of this- we work hard and we are amicable but there’s a rather sinister side to all of this too- we are incredibly manipulative. Our society has many controls, but we learn how to to navigate and break them, not very pleasantly this comes with learning how to navigate a person also, we like put downs, we like perfectionism, we like making people do things one way and not show above this and we like blame and excuses. We have a problem with celebrating success and we undervalue people and skill... especially the accumulative and transferrable varieties. We perpetrate the mistruth of ‘luck’ and miss-inform people that we can all achieve profound fortune. That's a heavy load- yes, choice defines our direction, but I in no way believe we can dictate all of our decisions- we must work from what we have in the current situation. Ripples- build upon ripples. Is it any wonder our society is un-empowered- we constantly feel we can’t get it ‘right’, people feel bumped from all angles- internally and externally. Personal greatness comes in many forms… some doesn't look too flash to others…
Interrogation- predominantly utilised upon ourselves is reflective of intellectual snobbery and subliminal superiority. It creates crippling self-doubt within ourselves and creates shockwaves of insecurities within others. Through this, we penalise those less ingenious from trying to just get the job done in the manner they choose to try and do it. Not eating the right diet? not going to the gym enough? not doing the ‘right’ things with our kids? No rego, no permit, no degree, no prior experience... just not sure? With all this external expenditure of energy into other people's business or the surety of our own, it’s no wonder we feel depleted and in need to reach for things or people to fill these voids & cracks.
Was it Tom Cruise's character in Eyes Wide Shut that said something to the effect of 'morals are the obsession of the middle class'...? A heinous statement in some respects but one with validity all the same. When you're hungry, desperate or have 'nothing to loose' or, you make the rules, or can buy your way through them, you're not obsessing about strategising alternatives. Get the job done the way you choose with certainty. Self doubt, complacency and indecision is more harmful than anyone else's opinion.
The Children's Museum- Amman. Thought provoking and with colloquial delivery alongside appropriate examples pertaining to Arab culture- this is one cool assss learning spot.. shuffle over little ones, big kid wants to play too! Incorporating inspirations directly from Queen Rania, her vision has created a five star space for young and older alike to learn things about ourselves, the community and our environment.
Welcome Home.. I’ve been in New Zealand under 4 1/2 minutes, arriving in the wee hours after traveling long haul from Amman to Abu Dhabi, Abu Dhabi to Brisbane, Brisbane to Wellington. I’m hangin’ out at the baggage carousel; a lady walks past me and remarks about my attire. 'Well ain't you underdressed for this city love, you’re going to have a few problems’ she remarks towards my sleeveless red playsuit and referring to the nipply temperatures awaiting outside- to which I happily giggle and reply 'I'm a Wellingtonian honey; we're built tough & we like it chilly!’… inwardly groaning and in the back of my mind thinking.. umm nup, this has actually been perfect for travelling 25 hours..?!
Excuse me?- Who are you?! And why should I even feel compelled to gratify you with a response? Imagine if I hadn't been from Wellington- what a way to say 'Welcome!' no?! You are certainly not really worried about my comfort for you would have offered me a coat, and if you had wanted to have a conversation, I believe you may have slowed down rather than commenting as you walked past- jealous perhaps; can’t quite bring yourself to say- ‘I like what you are wearing’ so feel the urge to drag me down to gain a little power play.. yesss now I think we’re onto it.
Ironically this little interaction was actually perfect timing towards my mullings and musings.
Psychological warfare, power-play, control, interaction, expression and identity. I’ve learnt amazing things and recognised validity in my observations over the years in the last three months, but unfortunately they don't play out too great for my loved homeland.
The four main controls: ‘Woe is me’, ‘Interrogator’, ‘Intimidator’ and ‘Aloof’. Fascinating strategies huh… but lets take a closer look at what these really mean in society today shall we, because the outward use of these on each other is really nothing to what we are doing internally either. We like the concepts of doing good here in NZ and of karma, but we are crap to ourselves… that’s just as bad as hurting another yeah nah yeah!
The example above was a rather timely illustration of ‘Interrogator’. Putting someone else down in order to gain a feel good boost by taking a stance of superiority. I feel this lady felt she had it all together- she was prepared and had supremacy to my inadequacy in her eyes. Strategies employed upon another give an interesting indication towards what that person likes to pull upon themselves also- for many people don’t differentiate between personal/ professional, internal/ external, expressive/ intellectual. I feel for her children, I feel for her colleagues, I feel for her- my, my her standards are high.
Unusual? No. In Kiwi-land this type of interaction is rather common place. People’s level of interactive entitlement and self-righteousness is higher than anywhere else in the world; it’s not unusual for people you've never met to lean over and interject, fling a passing comment or add their two cents worth. MOST times these are kind, helpful, funny or build a sense of camaraderie, but they can be quite the opposite also and it’s out of your control if and when it’s going to happen to you. There can be something rather disconcerting about having to deal with this when ya leave the house. This doubt, these seeds of uncertainty can become poisonous to those who can remember and collect them. Feel those daggers in your back when you're dressed to impress? They might was well be real in this country because I would argue- that sensory pain does far more longterm damage than what that wound feels like in actuality because of how we comprehend and understand it.
Happiness and a sense of elation is a sign, recognised the world around of success. An outward display of personal contentment and joy; a thing of beauty and to be celebrated. In NZ this is actually a little backwards; happiness can become an affliction unless you build that hide tough- it's going to bring you some unusual challenges. Where joy spreads lightness among others in overseas environments- sharing a feeling of warmth, here, at times, it brings you the opposite- jealousy, criticism, envy and even more dangerously it incites people to sabotage or de-validate achievement. People take joy in breaking others and dragging them down. 'What are you talking about??!!- we are rated one of the 'happiest' nations in the world!'.. yes, apparently. Look around you, travel a little and compare, we're not- I don't know how we are measuring this statistic, but I can sure as f*&%k share that when you've been immersed in other cultures around the globe which ARE happy, when you arrive home there is a distinct and startling difference... and hey, these are only my impressions- perhaps you see another side :)
In NZ people are not valued- neither is individual skill- people believe in equality in a broad societal sense. We are brought up to think we ‘can do anything’; that anyone can gain the skills to be incredible. We are not built equal, I do not believe in this concept- some have talents, skills or natural dispositions that others cannot acquire. Through years of hard work and selection, choices and direction we can grow and hone these building blocks- but it is not by accident or ‘natural selection’ that some rise to greatness or find personal contentment. Unfortunately there is a common acceptance in this society that some are ‘luckier’ than others- this is not the case- some have fortune because they have worked for it, and they have figured out where there directions, passions and strengths lie... attributes still come with problems; and problems come with attributes. I build my amazing life, my skills, my talents, my connections, my work, overcoming my problems and growing my ripples. I will not standby and tolerate people wanting to take that away from me, nor slight, demean or control others by not validating their achievements and growth; nor obstruct them for wanting to have more or be better. A little side note.. we don't get things we desire if we hate the people or situations that currently have them ;)
Twice in the last two weeks I have had conversations on the topic of 'wealth distribution' which got me thinking on a deeper metaphoric level. Wealth, value and success.. the internalisation of these qualities imo is far more important initially to a person's growth and vision than the external- yet it is often the superficial manifestation that people get hung up on. Obligation, duty, expectations to share- there are extraordinary pressures that can come with feeling flush let alone being flush; and the manifestations of luxury both external and internal. To be open, approachable and amicable; to achieve, to allow others access to our gifts, our energy and fortune- where do people receive recognition for the distribution of their spiritual or conceptual wealth? Sharing talent is the gift of those endowed with affluence (personal fortunes)... it can be found in places of 'poverty' and of 'hardship'. If society doesn't validate or celebrate 'fortune' and 'success' in her less literal manifestations; our extent of poverty is far reaching indeed. How do we enlighten people that 'wealth' is the responsibility of the individual? and how to we encourage people to value themselves and moderate feelings of guilt, self worth and obligation when there are excessive pressures to constantly give ones energy, ones resources and ones reserves?
We have interesting complications and they seem to be compounding quickly. Scarily- to undo this, the main work comes down with numero uno. Unhelpfully, people are scared to talk honestly about their feelings for it having consequence upon their jobs, their livelihood and their opportunities.. and well, there's not a lot of courage to speak out about being disgruntled or dissatisfied- the increase in cost of living doesn't just effect logistics it greatly effects freedom of speech. You want to feel personal achievement in a professional environment- well that ain’t going to come from a community where those cannot validate personal achievement within themselves. Here again, is why it is very important to define and follow doing the things you enjoy and that bring you happiness- personal sucess comes from ticking off and chasing those personal goals. I cannot stress highly enough my encouragement to those of creative and ambitious dreams- GET OVERSEAS and slide a 'Big Picture' jigsaw piece in there. Yes, I'm not encouraging fantasy, I'm actually working on a project which helps others who have desire and drive to do just that. Just as an artist has to walk away from an artwork to get space, reflection and perspective, a person needs experience in other cultures to get fresh outlooks on their life.
Above- glamping at Wadi Rum- A very big ginormous شكرا to Bespoke Hideaways, Discovery Bedu W.I.L.D & quite literally off.the.beaten.track under the stars in the desert of Wadi 🐫
I love being in a country where I am respected; as is- as a human who is presented well and who is striving to do her best. Little things can make me really warm. Travelling around Italy and having chocolatey breakfasts with decadent croissants, strong ass coffee and Nutella makes my little soul sing- I shit you not that you can get raised eyebrows and little interjected comments eating this in NZ... shall I tell more stories?- God forbid you feed it to your little ones in public arrfg. The Nutella or croissant, perhaps, not the coffee... but well, kiddies in Japan love that also and that brings up a story about hitchhiking in the Land of the Rising Sun with a Bichon Frise ricocheting around a smart car filled with oversized stuffed plushie-toys being fed ice coffee from a bottle... the things I experience hehehe!! Even though I don’t personally drink booze, I adored walking into a petrol station where ya can buy fantastic bread, cheese, meats and alcohol to put together a picnic or dinner on the go. God I laugh at what would happen if we attempted to implement this in my homeland- we are not even able to drink a wine on our own beaches or in our parks… Trust issues eh... This investment into others wellbeing gets on my nerves- ‘it’s not good for you’ so this has been put in place- now adhere to it or else. Excuse me? I’m intelligent enough to make up my own mind thank you, and I don't need your opinion; nor should I be penalised if I find that my choice is incorrect, NOR should our past misdemeanours hang over us like noose impeding being able to give things another try within fair appraisal. Ie. just cos one dickhead ruined it, doesn't mean we all need to suffer ta, or just because something shyite happens doesn't mean a new legislation needs to be drafted. Life is about having a little naughty with the nice no?, and shit. happens. Responsibility… why does NZ feel it’s up to others to control this?
We encourage people to capitalise on ‘Woe is Me’, we berate ourselves internally using ‘Intimidation’ and ‘Interrogator’ about our diets, choices, decisions and appearances. We 'Interrogate' others psychologically and through other means to share and distribute their resources. We ignore and act ‘Aloof’ to those who deserve credit, we ‘Interrogate’ each other though email communication rather than resolving issues and conflict face-to-face and use litigation and fear strategies rather than just being personable. We control our society though ‘Intimidation’ by imposing intellectual superiority upon those of lesser means and we give completely inappropriate strategies to those less fortunate and then un-empower them when they don’t reach impossible ideals.
Ironically for a country that is built with pioneer spirit from all nations (that includes present tense- it takes a huge amount of this to emigrate here); people wanting a new system away from established structures; we have become more repressive than the lands we have departed from. Like over protective and anxious shepherds incessantly corralling and protecting our flock; we meddle, we worry and we leave nothing to natural order. Hey!- the flock is smart & the flock has grown.. there are sheep, there are wolves, there are rabbits.. hell! There’s the whole damn ark (lol). This strangle-hold will prove to do no good. It's choice that defines progression- if people are not enabled to make these in variation, for better or worse, growth becomes stereotypical and stunted and learning is formulaic and limited. 'What will be, will be'... super close to 'Inshallah' ("God (Allah) willing" or "if God(Allah) wills").. there is method to these statements; there's only so much a human can manipulate.
Self assurance and harmony comes from balance and a sense that one’s energy expelled is evenly replenished with energy gathered & consumed. In Western society we individually give an awful lot of this away in our interactions. We are taught to radiate outwards, but I came to realise while in Jordan, and through personal experience- we are not encouraged to develop the skills on how to reflect that back inwards or to moderate and reserve this technique. Our emotional intelligence is criplingly low. Those places with faith; the concept of a power bigger than ego on a big community scale; a power which can replenish and help a person with things that they themselves can’t manage, enables a person to have a link to that returning energy loop. It also helps us when we are not as far out on the ripples to find appreciation and solidarity within where we are, while getting to where we want to be- i.e that by continuing to do our best with what is present we can work towards a better future… this requires managing emotions i.e not freaking out, remaining calm and not throwing toys out of baskets or at others; constantly reframing back to what is good- even if that's minuscule.
Using a coping strategy or being involved in an addiction, to whatever it may be that a person wants to refill that void with (the feeling of being zapped mentally and /or physically) to top up their energy is the physical manifestation of trying to tie back in that replenishment of energy and love. It’s essential to learn about our emotions and feelings in order to do this- a little faith and trust is required in ourselves and in things working out ok. That ‘f’ word- I’m not just talking of a religious concept of ‘faith’- but if one chooses so, that may be where they find that link to love. Personally I find that link back to my beliefs of something bigger without being associated to a particular doctrine, rather to many and within my own conceptual developments (that includes the science and medical doctrine toooo); and within the activities that facilitate me being able to connect into happiness and a greater sense of lightness- the sea, the air, speed, movement, creative output. However, creative output has an awful lot of external energy expenditure associated- it’s historically well documented how this and addiction go hand in hand- how many artists, dancers, poets and other magnificent minds can we name who use(d) vices?- is it no wonder within cultures that radically think outside the box we are finding increases in coping strategies?! Plus, we can’t take away everyone’s strategies and not help replace them with better ones now can we??!! Smoking a fag takes a much shorter time than teaching oneself how to recognise the rise, fall and patterns of one’s anxiety now doesn’t it…. although imo, it should be my choice if I want to stay with the fag option to start with… everything in moderation consideration… and not everyone has the capacity to want to change.
Middle Easterners do not expel personal energy in the same format to Westerners- they are far more discrete and reserved- and I would say far more emotionally intelligent when it comes to a level of selection about how and when they radiate their emotional investment into others. We hold perspectives of ‘repression’ and ‘restriction’; we judge from our own West view because we only understand how we ourselves live and behave- taking their reservation for oppression; thinking our way is the best way to be- but I think there is a lot of method here which is very, very valuable and very misunderstood… and faaaar more developed. Oh how the media loves to wangle the burka & hijab- in Jordan, there are people of a great cross section of contemporary and traditional identity choices. Again, what is not chic about having things reserved for those we have selected of value to share with? Fascinating ideas for humanity innit when we start seeing how people have evolved socially to live together- for how we keep ourselves well, and for how we can come to understand each other much better and ultimately diffuse conflict and self-righteousness.
Conflict- we would like to say this is external. West; we like to point fingers over there to Middle East when we hear this word, but boy oh boy, I tell ya, we have this in far more dangerous form in our Antipodean communities. They might have the physical amphitheatres and places where gladiators battled, they might have flash points of war currently- but we all have created the psychological war grounds; the media of our criticisms; our ideals and projections upon each other; tell tales and mistruths of disgrace and disesteem.
Equality v balance. We seem obsessed with striving for the former and we are quick to pronounce other cultures which we perceive to not have these ‘rights’. I see far more value in the latter; balance, than the former. I vehemently believe in fairness but equality? We have different strength and weaknesses from physical to intellectual; we should strive to highlight and celebrate our power not deficiencies. Womens rights, roles and liberty… there are different guises in different cultures of these- just because they do not look like our Western format does not mean there is not balance there. The women I spoke to in Jordan in no way felt repressed and were angry about the portrayal of this within the media- as were my fair sisters in Kashmir. Their value in their communities and families was celebrated- no, it’s not the 'same' at times to their male partners and colleagues- but they’re praised and valued; recognised and celebrated for their skills making quality of living equations. And all of this is changing- with more choices, more exposure to opportunities, they are making decisions for themselves towards their dreams and education while incorporating these into their customs and relationships… that takes a lot of changes to preconditioning… that’s a lot for any human to take on. As I’ve said before- I’m the alien in this new land- it’s up to me to modify and take things on the nose if needed while finding a place where I hold my values and identity also while being open to new perceptions.. interesting balancing games eh. Queen Rania of Jordan is a shining leader in women’s rights, education and empowerment and her contemporary views and style, both of concept and presentation, is leading strong and unfettered Jordanians into a bright and fertile future- God I admire this woman. Rome wasn't built in a day peps- good things take time.
The history within Jordan of previous civilisations is at times daunting, overwhelming and completely humbling. I was struck a little jaw-dropped-oogle-like in Petra, Jerash and latter in Rome. At the ancient city of Gerasa just outside Jerash. I’d come to an intersection (above)- a meeting place literally from the four points of the compass for traders to arrive from neighbouring countries and much further afield. As I looked down, the paving stones below had grooves; ruts from oodles of years of chariots, carts, barrows and feet. Humans for centuries moving over the place where I stood at that point- that’s a bit mind blowing when we unpackage it; people living, dreaming, doing things, loving, crying and evolving; millions of stories- all varied, all different, all unique. Coming present day, in 200 years, this progression, this evolution and this hunger for energy has taken an exponential curve upwards. We are all hungry, hungry for more-ness of everything... and even if you're not into the stuff- you're getting energy in and from other things, people and places.
Poppies- dem reds!
There is just so much variation here- from pristine beaches to the red sands and majestic rock formations of Wadi Rum; the ancient ruins of Petra to the seaside of ‘Aquaba. The variations of colours from light aqua’s and gem coloured blues to iridescent oranges, peach, magenta’s, violet's and the soft creams of stoned cities to the eye popping red’s due to the the filtered UV light. The quietest city I have ever visited; Amman’s sounds of birdsong and the calls from the mosques reverberate in my memory with happiness alongside the irridecent red poppies- there is a calmness that permeates this location which is heart warming. From breathing in the oxygen rich air of The Dead Sea and experiencing bobbing like a cork in the mineral rich water, to flying upside-down over the desert in a Hawker Hunter fighter jet and an Extra 300L… I can’t articulate how much fun and excitement THAT is... especially when ya've got the controls weeeeeee!… all I’ll say is MORE MORE MORE!! =^+^=
There is so much vibrancy, there is so much LIFE! There is so much fun, laughter, warmth and value here; it’s so very graceful- I hope my writing defames some of the fallacies floating around and alleviates inner concerns about coming to Jordan to travel and/or conduct business. You have nothing to fear. It’s just yum… doooo ittttt.
... how big is my baggage allowance?
New cultures, old cultures… when it comes down to it- biologically we are all made of similar stuff- BUT we have conditionings that are different; neural pathways and flash-points which are different. Varied orientations for energy needs and ways of sharing these; and contrasting ideas that we believe in- all this shapes how we can progress, what makes us tick or repells us and how receptive or defensive we are to new information. Communication delivery can make a ginormous difference- most people don't like being told they are ‘wrong’ or finding out that a thing or ideology they have believed in can be done a different way or that there are other means to an end- and people can’t do things when they are paralysed by fear. This can be confronting stuff. If however, we can take the fear associated with change away; if we can show opportunity for discovery by loosening off a notch, we can make headway into areas of productivity and development. Fear of the unknown, fear of letting go, fears of not having enough… fears of others getting ahead further than we are… fears of not doing the 'right' thing... those feelings all lie inside not outside. We need to talk, we need to encourage others to have opportunities to get together to discuss face-to-face our ideas, or tribulations; our concepts and honest viewpoints; we need to mingle. Trust in our good judgements not panic at prospective terrors, trust in natural order (NZ stop freaking out that shit would go chaotic if it’s left to develop without being nanny’d) and respect the intelligence of our world inhabitants and individual decisions.
The more people experience suppression, the more people want change, and this shows foremost within our youth. If we are not educated; emotionally educated as to how to deal with the rollercoaster of reorientation and the personal confrontation of difference, we will only fracture our societies rather than grow forwards with solidarity.
We are all Kings and Queens of empires- the personal spaces of our thoughts and emotional orientation, and ultimately the lives we live and the choices which define them. Act reverent, act with grace, act with faith in your decisions and be proud of what you have achieved and what you will make happen in the future. إن شاء الله
❤ ❣ شكرا جزيلا ❣ ❤
Life ❤️ Equations
I wonder if many people have stopped and thought about the process of using the internet- it really is quite a remarkable and personalised thing. We can give two people the exact same topic and because of their power of abstraction, thought, language and selection, be taken through tangents to extraordinary and drastically varied outcomes. Kinda magical don't you think?
Yesterday, in two quite distinctly different situations out doing things I'm passionate about, I came across the same piece of information. A fascinating and heart warming work of penmanship that gave me courage to continue working on some of my more complex conceptualisations. I wanted to share, because no matter what is circulating upstairs, this feeling, this emotion is accessible to everyone because we all have it. It takes a little step- by doing something that you like, or without the movement; by thinking of what brings you joy. It is your entitlement as a human to be able to do this, nurture this and seek more of it; it is what helps us learn, keeps us healthy and what protects us from harm, so with aroha from me to you today- spread a little goodness; it costs absolutely nothing and takes milliseconds to do. One smile shared with another can change a person's day, but five minutes with them, can entirely change their world.
. . .
In the late 1980s, Lieserl, the daughter of the famous genius, donated 1,400 letters, written by Einstein, to the Hebrew University, with orders not to publish their contents until two decades after his death. This is one of them.
…”When I proposed the theory of relativity, very few understood me, and what I will reveal now to transmit to mankind will also collide with the misunderstanding and prejudice in the world.
I ask you to guard the letters as long as necessary, years, decades, until society is advanced enough to accept what I will explain below.
There is an extremely powerful force that, so far, science has not found a formal explanation to. It is a force that includes and governs all others, and is even behind any phenomenon operating in the universe and has not yet been identified by us.
This universal force is LOVE.
When scientists looked for a unified theory of the universe they forgot the most powerful unseen force.
Love is Light, that enlightens those who give and receive it.
Love is gravity, because it makes some people feel attracted to others.
Love is power, because it multiplies the best we have, and allows humanity not to be extinguished in their blind selfishness. Love unfolds and reveals.
For love we live and die.
Love is God and God is Love.
This force explains everything and gives meaning to life. This is the variable that we have ignored for too long, maybe because we are afraid of love because it is the only energy in the universe that man has not learned to drive at will.
To give visibility to love, I made a simple substitution in my most famous equation.
If instead of E = mc2, we accept that the energy to heal the world can be obtained through love multiplied by the speed of light squared, we arrive at the conclusion that love is the most powerful force there is, because it has no limits.
After the failure of humanity in the use and control of the other forces of the universe that have turned against us, it is urgent that we nourish ourselves with another kind of energy…
If we want our species to survive, if we are to find meaning in life, if we want to save the world and every sentient being that inhabits it, love is the one and only answer.
Perhaps we are not yet ready to make a bomb of love, a device powerful enough to entirely destroy the hate, selfishness and greed that devastate the planet.
However, each individual carries within them a small but powerful generator of love whose energy is waiting to be released.
When we learn to give and receive this universal energy, dear Lieserl, we will have affirmed that love conquers all, is able to transcend everything and anything, because love is the quintessence of life.
I deeply regret not having been able to express what is in my heart, which has quietly beaten for you all my life. Maybe it’s too late to apologize, but as time is relative, I need to tell you that I love you and thanks to you I have reached the ultimate answer! “.
Your father Albert Einstein
. . .
New Bits & Tasty Bits
Spring Kai
Cooking, history, heritage, relationships, sharing, artisan & local producers and trades(wo)men, farming, agriculture, animals and the environment; the circles of life, sustainability and the effects of consumption have been principles, themes and foundations I have grown up with since I was a wee one. My family had a lifestyle property out of the city where we had animals, extensive gardens and produced an abundant variety of vegetables and produce and got all elbows and gummies in, and the majority of properties I have lived in I have been a part of cultivating gardens. My childhood friend's family owned a good chunk of Arapawa Island and another bay called Green Bay in the Marlborough Sounds; places we would fly and boat to for weekends and extended breaks- here too, even as grasshoppers we were all hands to deck and active in being independent and self reliant. From very early on in my life my experiences combined with an adventurous disposition cemented a love for relationships and cycles; how to live with nature, time, each other and the commitment and integrity it takes to nurture, develop and sustain associations. Plus we learnt first hand the rewards pushing out of our comfort zones could bring us. My memories are filled with glorious experiences out in our land, in every condition while learning diverse skills and partaking in the building blocks of what it means to support ourselves, others and the community.
'Organic', 'sustainable', 'ethically minded' these are all phrases fashionably promoted in modern society. 'Coined' perhaps being a more appropriate term, because often now they are used to cash in on others; pull heart strings with a little social and emotional blackmail and tout the 'correct' way to live & consume. My family, and those we know did it well before anything was fashionable because they love living like that and because they genuinely like to help out, do their bit & fix things.
Conscious consuming seems to have got really uptight all of a sudden. It's all good going and buying those free range chook eggs and organic beef- but have you stopped and thought about what your stress levels are like doing this? I mean- it's fabbo helping the animals/ environment but the human getting it needs to be happy also. I watch so many people running around like blue ass flies, afraid to admit they're totally overloaded, afraid to say that they'd rather not be so 'busy' and keeping up appearances when they are totally run ragged. You know that free range meat- well they are farming it so the animal is happy, because less stress means tender produce and a better all round product & system.
... um... human, you are no different. Don't you deserve to be a tender product of a beautiful system?
Labels often aren't what they seem- people getting on and doing things with the right motivations don't shout from the rooftops- it's part of their DNA. The biggest sharers often have next to nothing; the richest often have no cachinga, the wisest little 'formal' education, the most beautiful are not models, and the ugliest are sometimes the most aesthetically pleasing. The biggest movers & shakers don't do it with noise, pandemonium or back patting and the most powerful are often not in positions with titles. I learnt simple things from the land and Mother Nature's rules that have traveled with me into everything I do: Live with dignity; help each other out ;)
I'm an organic free range human who adores nothing more than to create cuisine for myself and my loved ones. This year being on the hop has meant I craved and required easy wholesome solutions to dinners and quick answers to my desires for resourcefulness with a dash of creativity smacked in. I had never really considered sharing photos on Insta of what I chuck together perhaps because they aren't like my fancy presentations for parties and get togethers, but after a friend popped over and commented how much she loved them, I continued to do so- and really enjoyed it.
Plus this is what I love and reward myself with in real time- no preening. Real food ❤ reaaaally easy (jezzus Gordon R watch out! lol)
More daylight hours, warm temperatures and party season starting requires tasty solutions. Here's the recipes that match up with those tempting photos I posted that ya'll kindly shared your appreciation for. Ennnjjoy.
Yum!- hope you have fun! P.S. Here's an active link for the plaiting video :)
GTG- Going. To. Ground; the misunderstood baby of the Creative Process
Over the last eight months I decided to take a closer inspection of my personal creative process. A logical and systematic study of the methodology and symptoms of each of the passages I work through, in correlation with creative patterns I had already ascertained. Each time I decide what I want to achieve next, I go through this process. We all live an emotional line which waves and dips, yet I feel compelled to share my recognition of some of the more difficult side to being able to make ideas become tangible, because this part is very rarely discussed and I believe, it’s actually the most important and valuable part.
Each time incrementally the stakes get higher; as in I propel myself though a more challenging state of change with more audacious projects because the evaluation of my limits, the risk involved and skill base has changed and grown. These ‘states’ are not all pretty, and although there is a lot of understanding out there about making and creating; the therapeutic outlet or physical result and beauty of creativity, very few people talk about the complications and challenging passages within the same context. 'Creative Process' is just art wank snobbery- we all live this pattern in varying degrees; where I draw another does sums, where I fly another gardens... 'creativity', in my opinion, essentially is listening to yourself and what makes you fizz.
Growing up in Wellington, an uber artistic town, has given me a unique insight into how we think, make and behave, and how this works and shapes a community. What I have noticed through my own life, and by being gifted with the ability to critique and reflect on my own process is that the ‘down’ side is right where the intervention of medicine, detrimental clinical and social evaluation and the labelling of psychological ‘disorders’ or symptoms (either self diagnosed or external) can come in. Raise the hands for a stress jammer, a blank out, pain relief and a comfort giver; Western culture point ya fingers at eccentric, out-there, weird, crazy or sick. I think this is also why a lot of people hide away and deal with these patches in private- it’s not easy not having it together all the time, and who wants to open themselves up to others for judgement on top of it?!
In the past I have tried all sorts of different strategies for self-help in these times and it is in these periods that if the sensitive creative brain is allowed to go a little too loose in it’s own attempt to remedy itself, that the shit can start to go pretty pear shaped. The most powerful help is talking. Why I am talking and writing is because as we evolve and become better at doing things, humans also become less tolerant to fixing bumps with hard work and time and want easy answers to bad stuff which is the better-at-doing-things brother from another mother. Re: previous post, ignorant appraisal is undone by open communication.
In my teens after battling with depression I tried medication. I lasted about two weeks. It made me feel ‘just below’ the living line and it killed any type of colour or creative spark I had in me. I felt in a fog, I feel beige and my vision and recognition of colours and concepts slid off and was muted. But I also knew that my behaviour was not helping. I was drinking heavily, I wasn't sleeping, I was in a very complex living situation, having just turned 16 I was at university and working to support myself; diet was completely up the whack and I was partying like a ninja- wild extravagant awesomeness but with complicated repercussions. I knew by being honest with myself, that that spark was actually my ticket to life and that my conduct and the situations I was into needed to be adjusted, NOT the spark.
I knew what I felt and I knew I had to work through organising myself by doing the hard yards or the alternative was mighty unappealing, also I could see a pattern and was intrigued about it- I knew then that the dark was as valid a part of my gift as the light. Plus I came up with some pretty cool stuff in those patches. I also had recognition from within my family that this was something I could learn how to manage and use to my advantage- very important opportunity there. I was encouraged to understand and to sense what happened or changed within myself and to notice patterns. My family heritage is very scientific/medical/mathematical and very creative/artistic (Oh and racing drivers, an art historian, explorers, a prime minister and persons of political standing, gold miners, a land information strategist, a missionary to China, agriculturalists, a bareback hose riding milliner- and that's only a selection of recent generations...umm rather strong willed souls…) but on track, what I want to illustrate is that patterns of thought and emotion were already recognised within my family- coupled with a ‘get on with it and sort it out’ attitude. I could talk my way in and around a psychoanalyst like a corkscrew; it was up to me to get through this, tbh- no-one else had the skills because no-one else had the whole back history of what happened and was happening, and it was so goddamn unusual and complex by that time I couldn't be bothered trying to explain it all.
3rd stage of creative process is the ‘this is shit/ I am shit’ area, Otherwise known as ‘going to ground’, ‘working through the nobblies’ or ‘dropping out of the system’; its not really physical, this very hardest part of the process is psychological, but it does have physical fallout. It. Is. Really. Difficult. It is where questioning, doubt, anixety, freakouts towards self abilities, self loathing and the unnerving state of living with a different brain activity resides. It is dark, can feel unending and hopeless, and very confusing. To me it feels like being shattered and rebuilt; not only in the project, but in my spirit. It is an integral part of the process, yah, pain and payoff, but as I have got older I have recognised I can also do something productive and target a mental attribute in here alongside working on an idea. I go for something that’s hindering me, festering and is a part of my soul that needs to be unpackaged, remedied and resolved. Not fixed- it’s not broken, it just needs some attention. It is a roadblock to the other side; undertaking has an open-ended timeframe, there is no schedule within this sector; its a progressive process, and it is extraordinary mentally and physically draining, but there is a wonderful feeling of success by getting over the Bog of Eternal Stench. Actually- it really is just like getting held up with Sir Didymus chewing the fat.
Let’s call this ‘going to ground’ as GTG for the sake of my digits and getting this out eh!
The symptoms can be pretty terrifying towards the climax of it- it seems to have an upward bell curve. Exhaustion, excema, hypna and hypnogogic (a type of pre and post-sleep sensory hallucination/ audio/ dream state that happens on the edge of consciousness), muscular tension, cravings (for all sorts of things, other ideas; relief really, it’s the point where we hit being creatively over it), very little quality sleep once ya finally get in there aaand the ‘racing-head-state’. This is when it is in hyperdrive. It really is nuts over this period and it can be very scary; continually bouncing around contemplating and searching for things. Once the key emotional concept or idea abstraction has been resolved and illuminated however, quite literally overnight, everything clears up. Actually, that’s kind of scary also because you could really be forgiven for thinking this is all completely nuts- because it is conceptual. There is no physical ball clinking down a slide saying ‘HEY! Ureka! You got it!!’ I just know within myself I’ve had a ‘Ureka!’ and that the circle has past GO again.
Lets roll with this ball image. Because I actually visualise my ideas like that. When I am thinking about what I want to do next, what I'm aspiring towards, what helps others and what is challenging; + if it has become time for a very big overhaul then who and what I want to be, look & behave like, in come the balls and the basket.
I am not only thinking about what I want to achieve, but I am very detailed about aesthetics, logistics, practise and what I need to know within this too. Into the basket over the weeks, months and much longer, ‘big’ heavy ideas come down, quite distinct from general brain chatter ideas and fill it up, sometimes some get taken out and replaced with others, and other times a particular ball grows in complexity. Every day I take them out and play with them, thinking about the attributes and making physical actions towards the things I can do that add towards each. The basket slowly becomes filled with usually about 7 orbiting biggies which break down into more elaborate subcategories- ha, that took a while to figure the gauge. Yer, actually visualised in a whicker basket (my Nana and I used to collect flowers in it), each a different colour and moving, changing and dynamic like nebula. I can slide into each and see how they are progressing. They are things I am working on, things I want to do, make and achieve and all manner of other things, but there is also always one ball about my personal identity- which contains a quality I would like to better, learn, refine or remove and facets within this of my relationships with others, the environment and myself. The diversity of these keeps in balance my obsessive tendency by giving me the freedom to swap between things, especially if one has stalled... or perhaps just spread out that obsession lol
After each ‘project’ or transition, in a type of summary I file and shelve the baskets which pack down origami style from 3D to 2D and are organised into a big khaki metal filing cabinet ‘long term memory’… funnily from my dad’s office that I used to go to when I was a child... I wonder if the next generation thinks of an app logo?? I often go back in this space when I need to dig around for something and re-inflate baskets and withdraw balls. Sometimes searching for a tool or experience which can help in the present, sometimes looking for inspiration or a piece of the jigsaw for an idea. These are decades old- my memory is gargantuan and I can recall events, imagery, sensory incidents, ideas and thoughts back to being a very new infant- wooow I hear you say, yet this has very much been a double edged sword of a gift; it comes with recollection of every bad thing in just as vivid detail.
In my working headspace there are different baskets in circulation too, projects floating in foreground and background and they are not static, they elevate or diminish depending on requirements and validity. Most people try obsessing about an idea with total surrender or desire when they imagine their future partner; holding onto the concept and furnishing it over time. I have trained myself to do just this but over many diverse ideas & investments, and to sustain the development over months and often years. The cool thing about doing this is that these 'dreams', these ideas significantly impact what we do and who we are, because we collect and input activities and behaviours which match our vision. This is why I love encouraging people to find what they love, because by building towards something amazing, fun and great, it in turn helps the individual become just the same thing. Gawd, I could start getting really in depth, but I think it's best I keep to simple in this blog right or things are going to get sqiggly… and well, I prefer organically sharing things with people when the right time arrises within conversations that have relevance to the parties involved.
Dealing with festers, parts I don't like about myself and just general total questioning and tip-the-whole-fucking-thing-upside-down-and-shake-it-it-all-needs-to-be-rearranged mentality is what comes up in the already complex GTG area- yerp, when it rains it pours. Validating it is the mucho grande super key component, it becomes as important as the other balls. Over time, this allows me to come to a level of understanding about whatever it is that time and let it slide away. It’s like a pay-off. This process is only my process because of how I am built and what I can and cannot live with based on my morals and thought patterns, but I know others feel and go through a very similar pattern. My focus (interchange with obsessive nature- these qualities aren't to be scared of; they are mighty useful when channeled into the right zone and honestly, success comes snuggled up with addiction and obsession; it's a matter of dealing with it not being scared of it) knows that my brain needs a type of clarification or monkey chews in loop. I don't like loops, I like resolutions so I can grow into the next thing. Writing about this makes it sound if everything is judged and rigid but it’s not like that, less anal retentive and more playful organic perhaps. Planned and unplanned, flow & structure, control and fluidity; little curling mind waves. Sometimes resolution is quick, other times not so as it bubbles along at life flow.
Over the proceeding project and in the new idea phase, pointers and markers within me and my experiences direct me to what this next dark baby is. There is no question in my heart what it is by the time the balls are clear- there is actually no denying it within myself, and if I try to do so, things happen to very clearly remind me that I cannot wiggle away. In lieu of having bairns of my own I have behaved as if mother to my existence through my actions and my ideas- I think that's a rather wonderful way to exist and fascinatingly there are similarities in timeframe also.
Structured art making is the precursor to GTG. This is a happy and light stage; usually production of the resolution of ideas from the previous project experience, recently London and The Hague. In one light it is not the ‘real’ hard work. I would say that the sailing through the darker waters is actually the greatest art in itself, actually, lets go bigger than that, I really think the best art we make IS life, yes- we are all artists. 'Dark' is not necessarily sad either, it's a different type of energy or situation than that; it's like an emotionally dense and invested area- it can be happy but there is a lot going on.
In the past I have caused myself serious physical damage by not gauging what level of physical activity I can couple with my headspace at this particular time. I have realised I require habitual activities which are not high impact because I hurt myself if I do that- not in accidents but in quantity. I don't realise I’m pushing too hard because I’m trying balance out the level of stress and processing that’s going on in the noggin. Yoga, squash, cardio, swimming, and many others have been in that slot and although they work for the mental side, I have a tendency to take the amount into the extreme because brain is going gogogo- and so body gets pushed to gogogo also. I am a very tenacious animal. Incoming: collateral damage: I put my physical health secondary. Those activities I am passionate about can come back in at a different stage, but I have to be very aware within GTG what I choose and in what proportion. This time my new activities were teaching myself to ride my bicycle with no hands (that's around corners too) and standing tree pose for extended periods with my eyes closed. As I mature, I am better at being able to cut myself some cord and validate taking care of myself- but I think this is what is very challenging maybe more so for some of us than others. Yeah, yeah ‘take care of yourself’ we hear, um- yeah, I am trying to, but I don't have an off switch and I'm focused on bigger things.
Overall the whole system is quite balanced- hence my assimilation with yin and yang, juxtapositions and spectrums because this is a direct reflection of living for me- OOOooo idea! Love it.. hmm hate it… Ok, not so bad.. Ok yeah, really fucking love it! Yet, it takes exertion to get it circulating and keep it so; making choices to change and focus attitudes. Perhaps a more accurate image which correlates to yin and yang, is this system as like ascending a spiral staircase where the light bulbs have blown in spots; the stairs are still there it just takes care, use of different senses and a change of pace to continue escalating. Aim of the game is to advance and make the next progressive move in order to not be stuck on a landing on the same level, or dip backwards; all about timing and sometimes requiring hanging out for a while rather than moving. Duality is the nature of life; where in one place it is day, another has dipped into night. When one is happy, another is sad; when it is summer in one location, another shivers in winter; where a new life is born, another passes away. Without this darkness the very essence of creativity wouldn't exist as it is itself; the left to it's right, the hot to it's cold, the back to it's front.
Cognisant thought and vivid memory has at points made me scared in my life. I am super aware of my conscious; of decisions and why I am doing something. I can give you a very direct reason for every single decision dating way, way back and the ramifications and relationships that has to other components. That has been challenging in my life to learn how to deal with. Awake, and asleep- but what do you do when there is much more ‘awake’ going on and very, very little 'sleep'?! Well, you naturally want to knock yourself out a notch right. All of us do to a certain extent with anything that brings ease; everything has a time and place. We share a very basic primal need for hugs of brain and body.
Unfortunately because of the level of energy zipping in at times, sometimes the more gentle avenues of comfort don't work so well, and some things that others can use have disastrous consequences due to my mental and chemical make up or because I abused them in the past; i.e. sugar. I make my own choices on my own needs and feelings, but over the years not all of these were fantastic, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do and learn through the process. Looking at static sitting meditation for example, my tolerance is comparatively low. It took me a while to realise through all this guru competition and advice out there that my activities were meditation but at a different levels. The experiences I felt as I ‘popped to the left’ or found another space in my cognisant awareness where the motor was powering away in one room, but I had slipped off to another, was a powerful thing to realise. I have been immensely fortunate in my life to be able to fight for what I love, what makes me fizz and happy and hardline into these spaces. It is why I am passionate about helping others find what they adore also, because pinpointing a fizz = happy = learning & retaining = inspiration = healthy = constructive existence.
All the activities and passions I adore and have excelled at were initially introduced or imparted to me through people I have loved, admired and respected (or I was told I 'couldn't do it')- I think there is nothing cooler than being able to pass this type of connection and inspiration on to others. The only control one can have over these life changing meetings is by following what we love to become better and happier people- kinda simple equation aint it- yet the simplest things can often be the most challenging. Affluence affords the ability for a person to make more choices based on feelings rather than solving restrictions, but when you don't have this resource, nor emotional support to have the courage to fight for these pleasures, life becomes immensely more challenging and complex. A little encouragement, a little investment of one-on-one time, goes an incredibly long way in helping another find surety within themselves, their esteem and ideas, and ultimately their success. Interestingly however, life has a way of working with us and helping out with this equation the more that’s powered into it both in action and belief.
My church has two wheels, snow underfoot, clouds as the congregation and a pounding base line like a heartbeat as hymns. The infinite combination of inconsistencies and conditions are my playground and often the adversity of these combinations where I find delight. High winds, night-time, low visibility and howling storms bring me a sense of contentment and connection to being alive; immersed within the energy surrounding me and I perform better within this. The theatricality of my homelands' weather playing a huge part within my comfort and conditioning. I don’t care about where the 'creative process' leads, I just enjoy the moment it currently positions me within. What's the meaning to it all? I'm not interested in figuring that out, or, well there isn't one really to me- I just get on with it is as best possible; I love experiencing all the kaleidoscopic variations. Experiencing not recording- you won't find me with a Go-Pro or camera attached to me or posting heaps of action things- I'm playing not faffing and fucking around, and I'm not interested in participating with others who recording-shaking-their-tail-feathers comes primary to getting out there. Privacy and discretion are important qualities to me and who I am with at the time are the most important people who deserve my undivided and full attention.
I get bored by things I have followed through to fulfilment, or worked through previously, so crave the next step up. Actually I cannot keep humming harmoniously unless I continue to find the next step up because what worked in the past was a for a different me at a different stage, with a different set of variables. ‘Step up’ isn't necessarily an evaluated risk either, it can be, but it also can be just something different. I am far more interested in experiences rather than things and testing out knowledge or phycological tools- hence me shoving my gluttonous spectrum back into a nicer area, or maybe just internalising where it’s not so obvious lol. Actually I think I’m happy to admit that- I’m a mind pig. Sharing time is my #1 most valuable and luxurious commodity.
Determining a safe living environment is immensely important and challenging; predominantly because I do so many different things with a high proportion of change. This time it was much less about supplying and more about reduction or removing. The more you travel, the more you know you need less, and I get a great sense of satisfaction from resolving things using limited resources. I need a little stress to learn, but I am particular about why and where and how much, especially as I can veer quite easily into whoop-nelly-put-the-brakes-on-how-the-hell-did-that-all-get-there territory. Sometimes heart decisions propel me to do something that only later is revealed how important it was for me to jump at that time. Selling Maria on the way back from the Netherlands is a prime recent example. It felt right (in a sad way), the right people had come to light and the process was smooth, it was the ‘right’ thing to do on a emotional, logistical and financial basis, but it wasn’t until later I saw how not having access to being able to jump in my car was a useful tool; some of the best are the missing ones. My car had also become an identity hairy handbrake- I had grown through that woman and wanted to become my next incarnation.
The equation of boredom + self absorption + loneliness (not of people, it's a deeper current) + propensity for greed/ lust/ gluttony (ideas, information, and knowledge; consumption | production & receptor | creator out of balance) = Miss Murcott on the brink of a not good coping strategy and needing self intervention. Self intervention foremost- not action, information, or any other thing but to stop, un-package, breathe and give recognition to not feeling great- validation is tremendously important for me. Location: DEFCON 5; if I shoved anxiety or negative sensations under the blanket at this point I used to resort to a pervious not so good fill. That used to be hard when I was tired, stressed, confused/ feeling isolated; a little lost within an activity, been travelling for many hours or was in GTG. However, understanding this pattern was essential learning in order to become the woman I am, undertake the complex things I do, and develop further within the lifestyle I adore. Most of the time I succeed, and on occasion I epic-ly flop but Ill let ya in on something, as soon as we can define and talk about something, very quickly that thing starts to diminish and become manageable. Without these qualities, I would never have become so good or tenaciously invested into things in the first place; often the compulsion to do something amazing comes from the fire/ anger/ pain of something quite opposite.
Oh, but wait, if you're thinking this is elaborate enough there is another pattern that is added to this as a woman. The monthly cycle of hormonal, physical and emotional complexities associated to just being born in these amazing bodies. What is depression, what is pre-menstrual tension, what is related to the idea, what's just grumpy tummy?! We are built to be the greatest creators of our species, but this comes with intricate attributes. It is like a giant tapestry of different lines of coloured emotional flux and wane; incredibly complex and unique to each of us. Unless I wanted a catalogue of definitions, I was quite happy to discard the labels; rise to the challenge and navigate each day, each combination with it's own countermeasure. The recognition of these patterns are as important as the former- because yes, at some point both GTG and this will align, and whoah nelly that’s one to sail.
As a woman creative in particular there are interesting additional challenges related to this existence, but where I found strength because early on it was like ‘so, we are trying to medicate the essence of what I’m born as/ with?!’. If you know a young creative, perhaps now with a different perspective, the challenges of not only all this, but the pressures of identity, body image, bullying through social media, a recording device every turn just ready to catch you as you discover, explore and play; societal pressure to behave and look a certain way, oh plus figure out what you do and are of corse; you can seriously be forgiven for transgressions no? Actually I think we have a bigger problem with the next generations in that they are too scared to actually let loose. Because what you learn in this necessary process is that you are not the centre of the Universe, no-one really gives a shit and that ya need to get over yourself. Doing something a little too much and going a bit far teaches us a very valuable lesson involving ego and entitlement- a young person can't get this 'oh!' if they can't push the envelope.
There is absolutely no question that there is a particular demographic and profile which is more susceptible to having some complicated challenges, but they are only that. Attributes come with problems, and problems come with attributes. 'Naughty' more often than not, is 'bored' and 'mighty smart' in a misunderstood and frustrated package. I used control over my weight and body image as a young person as a tool for me to retreat back into working with and untangling the first puzzle I had be born with; I wasn't ready for round two at age 10. Nor for the revelations of quite unusual gifts and the awareness that came with so young. My revenge upon the world for complicating my existence by giving me all these cool qualities but quandaries that went with, was to take that fire and turn it internal. It’s hard to talk as an adult- but yet we expect a child and teen to be able to articulate intense feelings from complex circumstances?! It's not an unusual tactic for smart cookies to resort to behaviours which alter sensory perception in the attempt to reprogram themselves and find contentment- strategies that with the influx in accessible information/ knowledge/ introspection and loneliness, will become more and more prevalent within society as we progress. If a person is making stuff or participating in forms of expression; i.e. changing and playing; they're feeling things- these creations say a huge amount about how they are processing life- less focus on the stuff, more on the feel.
All of this sequence recognition takes a significant amount of time, modern world you just don't like this. It also takes a huge amount of faith and belief in personal processes and composition. Some physical; anatomical, biological and hereditary, some cerebral and sensory, and some esoteric. I believe that no way is 'the' way, we are all made up differently- no metaphysical, therapeutic or psychological way by itself has all the answers because that is hooning in one direction with blinkers on. Many terms and classifications are interchangeable too; they are the same thing from different angles. Plus, science has no grasp on feeling- we are utterly unique in how we individually perceive this, there are many variations in intensity and subtle differences between qualities. It takes recognition and use of the whole system together to get this human safe and healthy.
Life can be pretty hypocritical; many 'bad' things are 'good' in different packages, it's just society has attached stigmas associated to one and not the other. My reality sees it that if something is enjoyable and productive then it is valuable, I make my own opinion about whether a tag is relevant. I wanted to learn about myself and who I am by doing the hard yards because I knew I could make myself well, and that the well went with the unwell hand-in-hand. I think this is where the modern world is getting to a bit o’ a problem. We are well and unwell, but people would rather not admit that. There is a lot of fear and competition about pain. A traumatic life experience for me may be just as significant and as painful to you as burning the cookies with all sorts of expectations and pressures tied in. In my experience, the proportion of trauma is always balanced out by periods of healing; what goes up, must come down and vica versa. When a child is screaming after falling over and grazing their knees, we instinctively give love, compassion, recognition to the experience and validate that they are hurting- why is it that as adults this pattern is forgotten? It is only the ego that has an age- the soul is still the child wanting a hug and to be told it's ok.
“We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.”
A huge reason why I went to Japan was because my soul was missing a jigsaw piece of a spiritual element, and I knew it was there. I don't know how, sometimes I just know things; I completely trust my intuition for my requirements. We all have special gifts for our stories but there is a vast amount of work involved in order to hone them. 'Follow the dream', hmm, that always sounds like there is a trail to follow, where I see it as a seek-&-discover and a build in progress through choices. I have resolved many dreams and mastered different vocations (or portions of bigger visions depending on which perspective is taken); one of my special knacks is that I relish, enjoy and seek growth through change. My life has taught me that you can do anything you set your mind to, but it works like a ripple; each layer building upon the former. My mind may be set on something, but my spirit is the one to guide me through the paths to achieve it. Going gang busters independently from very young has meant my boundaries and seeming limitations have been tested differently to the average and I have learnt and honed a sense of sureness in accordance to this. There is validity in a great variation of purposes, but the individual has to sharpen a sense of intuition in order to learn how to trust themselves through making friends with their mind. Couple that with passion, timing, attitude, tenacity, optimism and woooork, and you've got special sauce in the mix. What cannot be overlooked however, is what price are ya prepared to pay for that vision? There is always consequence.
Please lets be clear, I am not denying the benefits of medical or clinical intervention, actually quite the opposite- make up your own mind, but we can mend ourselves much better than most people realise. A closer inspection of a need may highlight that a resolution lies in an alternative avenue; just as constructive but without profiteering and fear attached alongside. And without blanketing the emotion or transferring it, rather un-packaging and recognising it; although sometimes we need to procrastinate or chip off a portion in order to get somewhere, and to have fun! Unorthodox often gets slagged as radical or reactionary- but remember, what is now considered 'normal' at one point itself was unconventional. What works for me, won’t be for another because this thing called life is totally unique with a personal collection of skills, viewpoints and things that have happened along a lifetime. I’m shining light on something complex, misunderstood and rarely discussed because when we hear something that resonates with our stories, it has a profound effect on not feeling so much like a satellite. That can be one sentence in a 1000, it doesn’t need to be the whole heaving set. Or another persons experience can ignite an ‘ahuh!’ set of dot connects inside which is coooool as.
Who I meet along my journey is far more interesting to me than what I accumulate, and those things I do adore I share, use as tools, get the best that I can at the time, play with without abandon and really, really enjoy. Do it once, do it right (and maybe repeat if it's really really great hehe). I have been radiantly flush and I have been stone cold broke for long periods, but often in those latter patches they were the times of the greatest happiness; regardless of either situation I am far more 'rich' than any sum could denominate. I totally fucking feel that- no. bullshit. You can strip me of everything (been there on more than one occasion) and it would now have absolutely no effect upon my mental health or ability to live, survive or rebuild my life. My existence is one of ultimate luxury because experience and connection is my gold and I let nothing define me. Don't get me wrong- I love cash, it's totally necessary and an awesome thing- you're not going to find me in a free-love commune (yeah, tots not my thang); I like commerce. But if I hadn't taught myself to let go of the worry associated with it, I would not be able to focus on elaborate long-term projects because they'd always be undermined by lack of funds.
I wasn't always this way- actually quite the opposite as is the case with taking on most big curves, life can be confusing and contradictory at times. I choose to do this, to challenge myself, to see what happens and how I feel if things drastically change because it makes me confront myself and my priorities. I have been selfish, belligerent, ungrateful, vicious, egotistical, confused, greedy and gluttonous, materialistic, unbalanced, with almost non existent self esteem, broken, lonely, unhealthy and very miserable at times within my life. Some of the most valuable qualities to me now have come from being their opposite and converting them with a desire and dedication to be better. Without 'bad' qualities recognised and in their working uniform, nothing amazing can happen at all; without 'want'; desire or a certain variety of greed, we cannot be better, or be compelled and driven to ambition. Without covering my lack of self esteem at some points in my life with ego, I wouldn't have had the courage to jump when I had to; without at times being self centred, well, I wouldn't have survived- it's just becoming more aware of ourselves though experience, trial and error and testing those boundaries that we can recognise what things really are, where they sit on those shoe lace spectrums and how to navigate, develop or reduce particular attributes. Everything has it's reason for being useful.
Living fluidly doesn't control what emotion gets thrown in on the journey either, it's a case of just sorting it out as it comes; unconventional lifestyles have unusual complications and pressures. Yet, humanity is forgetting that well behaved and ordinary does not make history. With a predilection for critical attitudes and an obsession with flawlessness and rivalry we have a bloody tough environment for kids (adults) to learn who they are and find a unique voice. Time to get uncomfortably comfortable. What happens in my brain by collecting these black ants in white rectangles and sharing them is as magic as what then infiltrates and bounces around in yours after reading. Sharing is caring, but what level of censorship or authenticity this has can make a fundamental difference to whether anything sticks, is beneficial or ignites a spark of inspriation.
‘Going to ground’ resolves itself; it is finite, and it’s followed by ‘This is fucking cool…again’. It is inevitable as the wheel turns, a lot of getting though is just holding on and having the tenacity to not give up or have a wobbly and discard the basket. If the basket is filled with true heartfelt idea loves then they will pull though. It is a just a matter of time, a matter of process and a matter of continuing to make small steps of work towards them through what is presented in the forefront of life within this. What we learn in any undertaking is far more valuable than the thing or result; realisations and epiphanies which shape and refine us. There is method to the madness within this also, if something isn't gelling, leave it lie for a bit, pick up another ball and have a play and see what grows furry in the meantime and pops out of brain chatter.
Humanity enables history to repeat itself because it is all most expect. There has to be faith in what is extraordinary before any pattern or proof in this configuration revels itself. It is there, and it is as fundamental as the molecules that connect us, the world and the Universe, but it requires dedicated energy towards deflecting sabotage, and defence from external and internal attack. We get thrown new and repetitive challenges and tricks to entice us off path, or see whether we'll throw a wobbly; another round on the landing or 'ohh, no, did that last time, new solution required' situations. Every few months over the lat nine I have been tempted by job offers at Peter Jackson's Weta Digital- little fork-in-the-road-carrot-dangles, often appearing right after having gone through a challenge with what I have been focusing on, and initiating me to evaluate my investments and aspirations. Pressure of modern society can easily spark jitters and financial matters can sway many people, but man made paper (eesh, its not even that anymore; numbers and electrical currents) i.e.; cachinga, is not what makes the world go round. Money is not the dominant energy. An idea, a desire, helping someone ya do or don't know, breaking a habit, political change, fixing the leak, resolving an engineering problem, breaking a habit, a pinpointed strategic and productive response to a facet of the changes in climate we are experiencing- it all starts in this pattern with making the next right step for what we are doing at the time. And I'll tell ya a biggie- helping others and changing the world for a better place starts with learning how to change and better ourselves.
People say "well I'm not going to do that, because it won't work and I'll get hurt because I have been hurt every other time". Unless ya leap you don't get rewarded with a fucking awesome that sometimes comes with a little side dish of bad- but once you have had a fucking awesome, you just want more of it, so the bad becomes easier to tolerate. Constitution gets stronger, human gets more prepared and focus is driven on the benefit not the fallout. 'Tackling Life 101' through the metaphor of eating from a dodgy street vendor- delivered by Captain Moxie hot and steaming- eesh lol 'av a laugh, it's not like we get out of life alive!
Now is explained and organised by now- not yester-hour, day, or year. What history has recorded is to learn from, be that as it may, it is only the publicised view of the particular power of the period. Egypt: incredible superpower in it's time- but Tutankhamen may have been a replica of a USA presidential candidate member for all we know. We have no idea what records of amazing events and discoveries were destroyed or controlled by authorities that had more influence. Imagine living in the future and defining and directing events working from our current media situation. Salacious, all the 'its's and 'ism's, bigoted, twisted, distorted; and not what a great proportion of intelligent minds of our time agree with- incredibly dangerous stuff. It's the kid at school who couldn't play Chinese whispers nicely and was too craven to be sincere.
I recently watched Michelle Obama being driven around the Oval Office grounds in a car pool situation with a celebrity singing to pop hits like Beyonce and Missy Elliot, when Boom, Missy appears in the back seat. Three quarters of my friends were adamant she was in the car and it was real, until I pointed out the very faint differences of colour gradient in the back window, the green screen residue cut-out of the superimposing of images together, and the fact that Michelle and her movements were never seen in the same shot- i.e. it was an actresses hand that had been inserted. How easy it is for a person's truth to be constructed, and what's the collateral? If it has importance to them and their journey, does it matter if it is real or manufactured? Needing to think that Missy and Obama were in the same car together may have relevance to propelling a person to do something extraordinary further down the line.
In the same situation, Michelle had just talked about how she was off on a tour of the Middle East promoting education of women and unobstructed access to information. So, encouraging a different culture to conform to a another's without regard to the social construct of female/ male relations and roles?... And because educating everyone is all fantastic right? Because there aren't elements of doing that that make another a rebel and revolutionary (to their partners, their families, their community)... but hold on, so this informed and aware Libyan woman is now thinking and digesting incredible (uncensored?) information and doesn't agree with or take interest in the prepackaged stuff she comes across and seeks her own truth for her own culture... Oh, right, now she has become a terrorist.
When I travel I am no longer a New Zealander, I consciously attempt to leave my preconceived notions in one corner of myself while I absorb, assimilate and acquire things which are radically different and opposite to who and what I 'am'. I am changing, but I'm not requiring others to do so. New culture, new religion, new location, new rules, new role; scrub the pre-existing format. This behaviour is the action of what everyone demands, yet seem unaware of how to procure; why would someone give respect if it is not shown in kind? We talk of 'globalisation' and of 'free sharing', yet those who are in positions of authority proclaiming liberty are not the fair children from the sandpit who shared their time and talk, toys & sandwich with their dark skinned Muslim friend from Asia. Peoples' people are much easier to find, try your bartender, your shop assistant, your nurse and those at the frontline of service. Globalisation starts with interaction; it starts with sharing that peanut and jam, and I am proud to say NZ, you are well on the path with this as a truly multicultural, celebratory and inclusive society, but on a global scale, ooph I shudder. Globalisation? Ya want the resources but not the problems? The wheel of fortune has never liked veracity and propaganda comes in the most silky of packages.
As of this week I have pushed through a rather nuggety patch for a little while at least. I have come to understand a game plan much better and the equations of what propel me to undertake different behaviours and new actions which have beneficial outcomes. I have made space within myself for improved and alternative information and continued working forwards, helping others in the process. I am immensely grateful for where I am, what I have and that I am me. Now it’s time for the next passage, enough naval gazing, yer, completely inherent to this cycle but all within balance and in it’s own time.
Right, brain, who feels like a game of ball bingo?!
☯
...
Each morning
I knit the chasms as best
I can manage
Slip stitch over rivers of
pain
sadness and self loathing
Rushing torrents with
Rapids
Crashing and raging below by the evening
At torrential full current
relentless hours of navigating boulders, hidden branches and debris
I go under
and pop back up
Weak, limp and battered
I pull myself to the cliff top
Night a gamble of refuge or ambush
The New Day
Gratified with the sun beating on my face
a
moments
reprieve
Head bowed with relief, respect and regard
Experience does nothing to harden me
by breaking me
as I crouch damp and dripping;
Some mornings
I never completely dry
My heart seeping as I leap from the cliff arms extended with defiance
Cat and mouse that torrent plays with me
And one day I will not resurface
But what she does not realise
That every crack becoming me
the shatters and shards
Fragment into less human
More water
Open weave
Refracting light
Celebrating Grey
All this ‘good’ and ‘bad’ labelling of things is causing mucho problemo. It is not that a thing or an action is ‘bad’, it is that we need to understand through knowledge and information how to navigate it. Every single thing has an upside- but if we encourage people to label in black and white and not be able to be flexible about the entire package, when slips, blips or the spectrum is moved out of perspective, the inevitable feeling of the person involved is one of lack and negativity; of never being able to be ‘good’ or reach unmaintainable expectations; from themselves and those around them. That they too have been sucked into the label and are now categorised as ‘bad’. This extraordinary display of self, peer and societal pressure is crippling.
A good example right now is the 'war on sugar', (although 'war on ............' can be inserted in here)- urg even the terminology makes me shudder as it sets us up in a brace and fight mode. The media has an enormous part in spinning storms of terror; pinning people against each other; igniting and fuelling panic and suspicion into our most sensitive individual and societal issues. Most people aren't strong enough, or invested in seeing through this bullshit, but the effect this is causing across any issue that can cause anxiety is criminal. If the mind is filled with thoughts and images that correlate with prejudice and anger, this WILL be reflected back. You ever noticed how when you want something you see it everywhere, well flip this and work it from the opposite and you get the same outcome. There is no difference to this being a possession, a person, a feeling or a situation. People don't understand that this type of attitude emanates off them and that others can sense it. It is inevitable there will be more destruction and terrorism, more and more it's all we can see unless there is active change towards personal behaviour. I say this because holding media outlets accountable is impossible. Stoking peoples drama is pure incitement; the kid on the edge of the sandpit, lighting it and standing back watching while others burn.
When it came to sugar I was a garden variety junkie. Absolutely no different to handing a loaded syringe with heroin to an addict, with exactly the same mental and physical fall out, but with far more accessible dealers. To add to the complication though, we all need a little food love in our lives once in a while. I am already filled with lots of passion and emotion, I don't need to be jacked up any further, especially when I am feeling sensitive. Feeling guilty, shamed, hyper anxious and that the range is 'bad' is not constructive, and doesn't validate being able to enjoy a life pleasure in moderation through being educated about what option is best. Seeing 'health star ratings (of like 1/5) doesnt make a person feel great either- has anyone stopped to think how this is effecting our abilities to validate enjoyment??! I focus on matching what I need with what I am feeling and not skirting around the issue- If my brain is really needing chocolate- that that it shall have, but what variety & proportion I endorse gifting myself is very important. And gift I do- I make a proper deal about it being a beautiful and deserved award.
Sugar was my drug for comfort, to ease loneliness and give self love, but because of my mental and chemical make up, it used to have disastrous consequences. It took an inordinate amount of courage within this society as a woman to say 'I love and hate my food' and just like any passionate love affair, it was a bed of roses. Unwrapping the shame associated with the behaviour and digging out the essential good thing I was trying to help myself with by wanting to veer off and reach for a stress filler, was the nucleus in being able to accept and learn how to live better. I make better mistakes tomorrow. I accept progression not perfection and prefer to train my focus on the perfume, not the thorns. Training by choice on the positive as a survival method to information overload.
Finger pointing and disgracing through high-moral snobbery is how shame grows. This is the gift a lot of humanity is burdening each other with when there is nothing to fear or be disgraced about, no matter how icky it is on the outside or inside.
Shame is very different to guilt. Guilt is the productive movement of shame; where the person has realised something is amiss, is not comfortable with it, and is making a manoeuvre in order to better the situation. Shame is a much darker, festery and evil demon and this lurks, morphs and destroys from the inside out. It is a tremendously elusive and deceptive creature to trap and is bundled in layyyyyyers of camouflaged situations, behaviours and feelings.
Yes, this image is confronting and powerful isn't it. Fear, power, righteousness...
Shame comes from getting the behaviours associated to love messed up, and it is why it is so hurtful. It solar flares right on our Heart. My greatest loves had for many years impenetrable barracks around them made up of disesteem, but as I made headway I realised the actions were of the best intention. They were coping strategies in order to maintain protection and they were not to be feared or used as a whip upon myself, but it also was my duty to control lashing out in fear towards others that saw this pain too. Unfortunately, it is the ones we love who have the ability to see these flashes, because they are a reflection of their own sensitivities and in order for most to feel they are in control of their world, they can belittle, demean and act with anger and persecution upon those who outwardly display, what they inwardly dislike and fear. Yes, coping strategist and addict are one and the same; we are all addicted to, or using something for comfort. Yet, by taking a positive spin on the grey, we can unburden shame and replace it with hope.
The freedom that comes from relinquishing persecution of ourselves and removing these labels brings true liberation and joy towards the human psyche as a dynamic entity, rather than a tagged and boxed collection of qualities that need to be ‘fixed’. Nothing is ever broken. But neither is it another's ‘fault’. What happens, happens from the accumulation of components that create the environment for a perfect storm and all of these qualities can be rationally unpacked. It is how we personally continue to roll with the individual and collateral damage that is important. It is absolutely essential that we have those around us who without judgement; without alarm and panic, can listen to us while we divide up and work through these thoughts and feelings, not getting stuck on the behaviours and etiquette.
It is so very, very important that as a society we maintain the ability to think for ourselves, question what is being shown to us and scrape off all this unnecessary fear mongering and fill it with logic and methodology. Truth is not given to us, it is something we must search for because it is different for each of our stories. OUR truths; our exploration into finding them, affects our entire community in a positive manner because in order to live like this we interact. We are now digging through falsities at a level that has never before been seen by man; getting information is not the issue, learning how to select and filter truth out of this barrage is. Good comes from this, but not from avoiding the opposite and inevitably what is intriguing. Shaming the curious is at epidemic levels.
This system does not build and create a virtuous environment, it undermines and erodes it. Creative humans are built curious and obsessive and so unavoidably step into unusual and challenging waters. Please re-read that. The nature of expression means we have a unique ability to have an unusual idea, hold onto it and make actions to develop it; culture in all forms being the productive manifestation of this. Yet this very same pattern can go into hyper drive and into not such great outputs also; endeavours which more often than not, are actions seeking comfort and release from the productivity; the racing-head-state that 'creativity' in it's nature compels us to undertake. Expressive output is therapy, but the process or motivation can be anything but. 'Creativity' being an attribute and thought pattern that every human has in varying amounts.
“All the things that truly matter- beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace- all of these arise from more than the thinking world”
It takes a huge amount of courage to put your heart, soul and thoughts out there; taking those up in honour and then delighting by smashing them down in shame when slips happen is abhorrent. A particualry reactive scale by where a very small action can be made into a momentous indignity. Training and driving humans to delve deeper into this ability to procure and make requires as much, if not more attention to the other colours of this type of wildness, because to be frank, the propensity can be to excel at the more humanly deferent negative calibration. We want to teach people how to become more 'mindful'; but the more conscious you are, the more complications that arise from that also. Information is power but without the strategies, ignorance can be bliss. People fear what they don't understand and often desire what they don't have the skills to cope with.
We need to grow and flourish through encouraging less ignorant appraisal and more encompassing education. Fine can be poor; and ‘good’ comes from processing and loving, not fearing ‘bad’. Living, in it's essence is not about being 'good'- no-one is keeping a marker sheet out there. Sure karma, but that is a wheel that turns though light and dark, not avoiding it. We are all unintentionally hurting each other with worthy purposes; and then making amends and progress by modifying our conduct. It is not through the strengths, but through our weaknesses and insecurities that we are useful and can help each other.
NEW ARTWORK & Donkey Kong Life
SNEEK PEEK of new work - 'Brainstorm', 2016, 400 x 560mm
Details & scale
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I.D.E.A.S & C.R.E.A.T.I.V.I.T.Y
Thought totally intrigues me. I complete continuous quality control assessments and am alllwaaays testing out the theories for a better option on mine- challenging customer! It's like I do a mental stocktake of what I think is true and what I think false, and anything that falls into the latter category is pulled out into the air and held up to the light to see whether it is substantial and can stay, or is flimsy and needs to be fixed, replaced or disposed of.
Our minds can heal or hurt us, and sometimes the 'care' signals of mine get a little lost in translation. I have complications and pretty awful pain in my lower lumbar due to fracturing vertebrae in my early twenties and a genetic condition, but only recently became aware of how I was hurting the area MORE by trying to protect it. I am super active and while out for my afternoon walk one day, I noticed how I was clenching my tummy muscles, and more so when walking down steep hills and how this was a direct relation to where the pain and discomfort was becoming worse. In short my worry and focus on that particular area was sending all the 'fight' signals to those sensitive muscles to jam up, and in the process get jared and jolted more because they were activated.
In another instance, I have been teaching myself to breathe on the left (or more unnatural) side while swimming freestyle. If I focused on breath, I would panic and think I didn't have enough air; to fix this I found if I focused on the bubbles I blew out before this my mind went into play rather than panic mode. If I sought looking for the ceiling behind me after the bubbles, it ironed out not turing my head up enough; if I tuned into the pull and follow through from the bottom left hand on stroke it brought me lift and stopped me feeling like I was sinking or bowed. Needing a bit more ooph came form remembering my feet and 'sparkling' through my fingertips and toes; straightening out my 'body plank' I had in my minds eye.
Careful dismissing the punk's opinion next to you; our generation of Einsteins aren't old men with wild hair
Self awareness, breath, meditation, the sports I love: motorbiking and snowboarding have all honed my awareness of mind play and how this effects my actions and psyche. It is ground zero for how I take on new skills and everyone can learn how to do it- the main component is tuning into something we do totally automatically: breathing followed by looking at the remedy not the problem; stand outside of yourself and look at the picture from another angle. The cool thing is, once you see the pattern and start playing with it, it effects EVERY single part of your life- from riding a bicycle handsfree and standing on one leg with eyes closed, to relationships and making things.
Anyone else noticed?- Kiwi's are hungry. Hungry for money, hungry for recognition, hungry for opportunity. Simmering under all of this is fear. People are scared to say what they think, be proud of what they have earned and achieved or draw a line in the sand over their value because social opinion and ruthless competition will pass them over or move them on. Then add a dash of self entitlement and the ‘yeah nah’, ‘I know so and so who can do it for 1/2 that or in exchange for..’; It is no wonder talent flys away when there is no incentive of worth to remain. Loyalty, gratitude and respect for professional accumulation of skill is few and farther between. Some people would sell their grandmother to get a leg up- some of them have to because they’re so far in a rock and hard place to live there is no other perceivable way.. or so they seem to think.. the ol’ ‘well that’s how it works, and that’s what ya gotta do’ excuse. Taking an alternative route to get the best result requires timing and courage- hold on down the rabbit hole! Most people achieve great things by working extremely hard over many many years to do what they do and there are always different options. Fantastic stories come from harnessing thought, honing the actions required in correlation with this, while being a valuable and positively engaged member of society. Choice: Team Darth or Team Luke.
I remember being told by a man who supported the arts, ‘You need to get off taking the moralistic high ground, because that attitude wont get you anywhere in this world’- well, I can sleep at night and ya know what- at the end of the day, THAT IS what defines me (the morals not the sleep)- and through this, what makes my art mine. Yes, I have a very strong sense of conscience, to follow Truth and trust my instincts and be guided by integrity- but I'm not up my ass about it or expecting others to feel the same. Art is opinion, emotion, what touches our core, what is provocative, what makes us think and question ourselves and our world. It doesn’t have to be agreeable, palatable or fit in a box either, and neither do I. Mother fucking snakes on a plane. You can choose your flight but not your snakes eh, thankfully in life we're not stuck on the plane permanently and have a lot of adventure and learning in-between our next flights!
In one of the most individualistic nations in the world, ironically the hardest thing is to be yourself.
Our society is becoming less democratic and much more authoritarian and directive. Home by 3am, don't smoke (excuse me, but perhaps the bigger problem is alcohol?! what about taxing that huh?!- you hit the sugar and messy birds with one stone there ya know, very few people get their lights punched out over a fag..), achieve this (but don't really because that’s rather intimidating), don't drink in parks or walk your dog between these times, use only this much of this, look, buy and wear this to be in… it’s so inteeeeeeenseee! Loosen up and relax and e.n.j.o.y. l.i.f.e perhaps without all the goddamn rules?!.. and people wonder why anxiety, low self worth and esteem is prevalent and suicide rates are high? Get off the high horse snobbery.
Humans need stuff to do to try and find coping mechanisms, when the cost of living is so goddamn high and everything is being labeled with opinions it becomes very hard to try and find a place on any type of even ground. Easy for those at the top to say do this, be this, take this, but often they are touting to a demographic that has less options, more problems, less positive reinforcement and sometimes less internal strategies encouraging strong and opposing decisions to their actual situation. Desperation does not think laterally and people feel they can't afford hope which is really fucking scary because thats a nuggety issue in a whole bigger terrifying format. NZ could really do with looking at Japan for similarities rather than UK- especially when it comes to integrating technology into society and keeping necessary practical jobs which directly influences low socio-demographic sectors and being able to have an affordable quality of life. A little shocked at that last bit? Yes, rent and some other things are high, but living, enjoying what it is to be human, in comparison to earnings- the yen stretches much much further.
Nowhere else I have travelled feels and behaves to the extreme like this. Our islands have a nasty case of small-man-syndrome. The more restrictions in place, the more people want to bend them consciously or unconsciously, and the less they work, because most peoples brains f.o.c.u.s on the restriction and not the opposite. You start to get the feeling you just can't ever get things right.. Focus on speeding and people do it more because they are subconsciously aiming on a target; make people bundle up in layers of safety gear and they think they are warrior Ghostbusters. Drivers behaviour towards the chick on the lemon bicycle with no helmet is much more wary and cautious than what they do if you are wearing a helmet (Europeans: our road user food chain is very different to you guys) Not that I rely on that- I act if everyone hasn't seen me and is going to do something irrational. Shut everything at 3am, there’s more binge drinking now than ever as people squeeze it in before closing instead of having time to boogie it off and relax, even diet- go on and on about how bad something is and the more you want it because you can SEE it in your head and you desire it MORE. With all these rigid conformities floating around I can see why people get picky at others who think for themselves, question parameters and live to their guidelines and ideals- because that is highly not encouraged… unless it brings you media recognition, when at that point- ‘CLAIM!- She/ he is a NZ’dr!’
Where once a great proportion of society would not have been exposed to the detrimental effects of an addictive behaviour, now we have not only supplied, but encouraged tapping in to an external pacifier. These can be tools to feed our brains with information for our journey if used constructively, but I wonder if people are aware or care about what too much of this drift into candy floss is doing to their thoughts and subsequently their actions and abilities to achieve goals. I foresee major social problems to arise; greater feelings of loneliness and isolation due to not honing skills of communication and interaction, mistrust of instinct and a dismissive attitude to cultivating sensory perception. An increase in feelings of having to bow to taking not quite the right path because of perceived avenues and shortcuts bringing goals; most of that flicking and swiping is not feeding information, it is passively passing through on a not so soaked up psychological level where insufficiencies rather than abundance is highlighted. I don't see that as a 100% fantastic thing- we all need to blank out for bits, but by training the brain to keep this in balance, we can encourage space for growth not stagnation. Encouragement to feed the mind with information that has relationships and focus upon goals and aspirations is essential. Learning how to deal with, manage, remove the stigma's associated and understand compulsive and addictive behaviour will be crucial for coming generations. But those apps, and that tech- man, it can be supremely beneficial if used in the right manner also, it's just that swing is dramatic and entirely up to the individual. Those of us out doing amazing things aren't watching what others are up to- we are focused on our lives and actions. Ya want superpowers?!- put down the gadgets, organise your thoughts and feelings, and tune inside and around.
Hard working New Zealander's getting on without staking a claim to a particular demographic are in some ways at a disadvantage to opportunity. Fit in a box and you are quantifiable, allocatable and bankable. Do otherwise and you can become a little snuggled up next to 'threat' territory. Brains like negative, and its very, very easy to dislike what ya don't understand.
Ego: it's a bloody interesting conundrum. Who and what I am as an artist; my work all an expression of opinion, is ego tied up in brown paper and ribbon. Or is it? Is Alexandra Murcott my ego and Moena Moxham an expression of my soul? I don't make for commerce- I make to nourish my imagination. These interesting thoughts add fuel to my enquiry of the world; they are also why I partake in sports and unusual methods of travel which require high consequential snap decisions made on realising where soul and ego are in orbit. These activities also help remove anxiety and jitters- Thought + action without overthinking because there is less space for pondering things; it's not advised to overthink doing a u-turn on a motorbike- ya look where you want to go, commit and power into it- same with my art- I make marks without apprehension- life does mighty well with the same dash of devotion to the cause. Something which can be quite easy to roll with when travelling but much more complex when back in our home surroundings with people we love and whose opinions and projections can tug us off path or undermine our security in the decisions we have chosen. I crave being out of my comfort zone, because I am intrigued about why I am there, why I behave a certain way and think it is ok, and how at a much quicker fluid pace I can trust my instincts. Plus I love rattling the cage by being uber curious as to what happens if I shake it all up.
As a community however, the way I see it, when pinnacle-ised existences, idolised individualism, media exposure as confirmation of achievement and cash-cash-money-money is prioritised we build exactly the environment we have fostered- below the gloss, and behind all the easy-going laid-back exterior it fizzes with envy, jealously and resentment. URG- look up, at and around at the paradise we inhabit and validate the bloody cool shit we have going on- as a team we need to learn better how to graciously give credit where credit is due and stop being so nit-picky. Reality is though, that the only person at the end of the day that will give you true recognition is yourself and your concept of something bigger. We control within ourselves how we want to behave with information and what we project and impose on others.
We need a reset; a wake up call, because this attitude is really, really ugly, completely pointless and counterproductive- I just hope it doesn't come to a natural disaster to do this.
On a lighter note: Here are a few other things I have learnt that keep me sane and on track when I am in the maze, may they help out when times are squiggly =^+^=
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Love defines and drives everything. Her and Hate are one and the same, but Love has magic fizz that inevitably triumphs.
Be your hero. I strive to be the person I most admire by learning from the best.
Have the heart of a child but the wisdom of Grandma(pa).
I am a woman, whole, beautiful and wonderful as is. We give birth to the whole world- it is my responsibility to evolve and make good choices to become the best woman I can be.
We are all kooky and have baggage. Life's about learning to carry it without looking for a porter- inside knows the answers; sometimes this requires patience.
No-one else is creating my story, fixing my problems or will bring me the things I desire but moi. I answer to myself and my understanding of Universal power. I listen to everything.
I require validation from no-one or anything other than myself and my concept of something bigger than me.
My achievement is getting out of bed. Progression is getting out the front door.
Doesn't fit with the mainstream = good omen.
If you clinically evaluate the qualities of Creativity, all assessments will lead to insanity. Love the squiggly lines and care for those who share these traits.
I strive to be consistent and accumulative. The tortoise wins the race and the race of life is loooooog. Have courage and be kind.
I am fully responsible and deserve the whole package of what comes to me as the response to my decisions, behaviour and actions. What we dream; what we think, coupled with action becomes our reality.
The Maze: Artistic efficiency and creative process
Heart for direction, brain for nutting out the details.
Money is a resource not a god.
I assimilate with what makes my heart sing; there is no 'right' or 'wrong'. The faerie tales, the scriptures; the movies and stories we create and pass down through generations the world around are born from truth. Communication is the most powerful form of creation.
I am selective with what I choose to invest my time. I primarily prefer not to invest my energy into passive or unengaged activities. I'd rather be engrossed in a real relationship and cultivate the arts of engagement and communication. Tech inevitably becomes obsolete; humans don't!- instead of looking down feeding into that screen I'd rather be looking up and around in a totally different environment. Take out this stuff from your brain and it lets light and space in for muuuuch bigger concepts. Your thoughts & feelings are creating your world. Brain-fart space can still be productive :P
I believe our energy is a component of a much bigger and complex system. Through choice we can work with or against these forces. Managing ego is human job number 1 -without that in balance, it blocks all the wondrous qualities like humility, compassion, empathy, love and acceptance.
There is always someone better than me- I just get on with whatever my teeth are sunk into and if it is making me happy, brings satisfaction and contentment, and I'm not hurting others, then I have located Donkey Kong level 9. I enjoy the success of others, it spreads warm fuzzies.
Breath- it's the answer to everything.
Humans are all weird, we surround ourselves with the weirdness we can handle and tolerate and collect our own kind. I don't get pissed if something is annoying- it's a reflection of my psyche.
Everything makes ripples, and ripples collect to waves.
I strive to be satisfied and to make do with what I have, the hand I am playing and the resources I presently have available. I am grateful but I am not complacent.
Western world, society and perspective- we are a minority. Millions of people focus on trust, love, faith in something bigger than self, and enjoying existing without calculating each other as our society does- get on a plane to Asia if you don't believe me/ need to reset your existence.
We can choose love for what is wonderful or be dismissive and disgruntled for the minority that isn't.
There will always be fantasists and extremists. The more airtime given, the more power it holds. I focus on the remedies, not problems and I look for gaps. (165 kiwis died overseas last year- 0 to terrorism)
Stop watching the media, it's bullshit.
Easy goes through hard, and no-one has 'easy' all the time. I don't wish life was easier, I seek better skills and more knowledge to work within it. I completely trust my intuition.
My perspective and way of thinking has been moulded over experience for my journey and to shape and support the direction I have chosen. I respect how and why someone thinks or behaves differently because it is pertinent for who they are and where they are going. We need to think and believe in different things in order to carry out the activities and journeys we are on. Personally, I am quite happy to consider and explore options and viewpoints different to my own, even when they are personally confronting. I have learnt from testing this procedure that often I prefer the new concept or want to assimilate a component into my existing framework; I really enjoy this process. Often, worldwide, we are talking about the same things, only with different names.
My thoughts or ideas might not be 'correct' at the time, but they may be necessary to lead me onto something else or a bigger concept. I'm happy to test things out and put up my hand when I've fucked up or got something wrong- oops soz. I don't judge others for their kookiness or blips, life's a process not a collection of commodities.
I'm not going anywhere until my soul completes what it is driving me to experience and help with.
Our gifts are balanced by our individual challenges. Whatever we have been blessed with means we are going to be working through a whole different pile of nobblies.
Beautiful humans don't hatch out of an egg that way, we evolve and grow. The most powerful propulsion to wanting to be better, is often being at that point the complete opposite. We as a world now have access to every imaginable tool and piece of information to up-skill and feed our brains; watch how the world will change: 'third world' souls + desire + propulsion for change + the burn of feeling marginalised + grateful recognition of opportunity + tenacity = revolution. It is the most desperate that have the potential to become the most powerful if they so choose.
Change is the only constant; from mindset to actions, to trends, relationships and the environment. I am baffled how human arrogance sticks to rigid systems. Like why would we think our climate wouldn't evolve like we do- there are more of us than ever doing and using things like never before? That the seasons would stick to a calendar that we wrote over Nature; that once what was 'right' forever is? We can confirm planets with habitable atmospheres and know the image we have received is squillion years old, and yet people can be adamant we are 'the one'...umm shit can get furry reaaalll quiiick- it don't take 100's of years; whats grown in the meantime?!.. + we are built to explore, not stay on ship. I wonder what is looking at us (I'd be hiding too). Human evolution theory doesn't equate for the development of consciousness- fixated on the outside?, perhaps this virus is the alien? Perhaps we are 'infecting' each other with more of this? The media goes on and on about using resources and doesnt focus on the fact we make and discover new ones. Humming on about the negative doesn't fix it, it actually just makes more of it- enjoy the positive aspect (yes, we are allowed to) and get in and actively affect what tugs our personal story and abilities. Yep, things are different, but there are great things about this too; the climate in my hometown is bloody wonderful comparably- I know, this isn't great, but we have to roll with the punches now, and a person who is angry, discontent and negative is not empowered to get moving and helping.
Change whether personal or environmental starts with a desire to want to do better and encouragement to action a good choice- we must find a way to promote more of this and less panic if we want to influence people in feeling confident to make and support new decisions. There is no question we have change within our weather and environments and this is radically and detrimentally effecting our habitat. The problem is huge- it's at global corporation level- but this is like voting- if you don't do it, you might as well hold your opinion about it, so I am active in doing my fair share. Individual humans can have an effect on mass to the supply and demand of the commodities which are produced using fossil fuels. Ya'll this is about addressing major problems with greed and complacency- gnarly and complicated knots to untangle aint they. We will look back at this time in history as The Age of Fear- it's crippling people into not moving. We have the freedom of choice to buy into this or not but this takes courage- fear doesn't empower- 99% of this is crap in wrapping when ya get up and close, personal like and inspect- plus we can only start by inspecting what hits us (nosey). Start; just start- as long as it's positive and productive it doesn't matter how small or whether anyone else is or isn't doing it. My culture is so supremely blessed with a tool that is the most valuable resource on the planet: choice- I use it.
And the biggest one: Never ever, ever, ever give up; build for your vision; our ideas are special to us and our timing. It doesn't matter what didn't work yesterday, that is not now. Now, we are 12 hours wiser and connecting the dots with that additional knowledge. We have never before attacked finding solutions with the formula we have right now; none of us have been alive right now before, which also dispels anyone pooping the party, what do they know about your dots that you don't?
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If your interest is ticked in wanting to view a fascinating and honest doco about climate change cruise your eyeballs here.
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Inspriational with a capital In-spaaaa! ..humm,,,, gimmie a couple of months....
The Great Degustation
......................
Define
what I leave behind
Fakers create
concoctions mimicked and generated with
tricks
that paint and create with brutal clinical efficiency
a mirage
Our brains are so special
in being able to procure and
curve
like multicoloured gymnasts twirling ribbon batons
our colours of value
Ideas are Divine
Energy Infinite
The older I get the more I let go
The more I love
The words I script and stain onto paper a mark
perhaps legacy
The lines I carve on
glass
more fragile in my brain than in
reality
but that is my scratching
Physically present in a
digital vortex
Superseded by the power of
speech
in vibrant HD
I sense your complexities
can share your perspective
as you manipulate mine
talking them over
transferring their weight
caressing them through articulation between us
so the prickles
soften
Powerful invisible creations
propagate, cultivate,
pop
Stretched and morphed like
flour to dough
Change to nourishment
Share for growth
Gods in Converse
Those monsters growing in the
dark corridors of conscious
and
Ssslinking
along the skirting boards around confidence
The cleaners come through;
only naughty tykes under the hall lamp
disintegrating when
Hitting
the light
Colossus they seem when
hidden
in the fringes
seeping and shifting
morphing and moving
My badge embroidered on coveralls
ready for splatters
Master Utilities Janitor
Dressed in our best
bow ties and chiffon
OUTrageous, highly flammable,
we sit enraptured by the presentation before us
the Hall dark and long
one door in front and one behind
the Elephant
cooked to perfection
a lifetime to consume
we start one delectable
mouthful
at a time
Time has taken charge of passion
the taste is no longer appealing
and only so little
progress
we have made
flies coming to rest on the kill
Doubt and questioning buzzing with
purposeful velocity
Rising as steam from fresh slaughter
Must get the job done.
Youngans with a taste for Elephant
by osmosis
The fanfare orchestrated by the
Universal Maestra
conducting proceedings
complex and limitless
A salubrious opus
composed for a lifetime of living
Insert triangle...
now!
What is influential when all is accessible
Rocket up
explode in a shower of colour spectacularly
Coming Down
don’t you know you meet everyone twice
two directions
maybe more
Methods of perception
many more than 5
Emotional dexterity
the last bastion
of an intimate personal frontier
Palatial grounds
Elaborate keys
Make for your mind
Want to
like
the Elephant
see her tassels swing,
glossy snapshots
my Elephant prefers
privacy
Valuable modern commodity
Her bikini shots and selfies
belong
to relationships built in the
zoo
The procession of best dressed
with ties Absent With Out Leave and
knickers hitched; dresses askew
Padding barefoot and
Brave
Definition really is of no consequence
Come
Eyes to the front not behind
with virtue and steel
Pensive
Inevitable
Progression
Undoing knots with
nimble fingers
curious
mind,
authenticity
and playfulness that no automation
nor calculation
can re-create
Eat the elephant
one
mouthful
at
a
time
IMAGINATION 💜 VISION
Amsterdam- yeep it is ridiculously pretty, and fantastically wonky ^=^
I adore Christmas and New Years. This time of the year has so much ZING and buzz… yeeoww!
POP the Champers, get out the cheese platter and call your loved ones over to celebrate the year. It is reflect and goal set season amigoes! Just like after a motorbike ride, I rationally and methodically work back through the good, spicy and most definitely could be done better next time moments and give them good turn over in my minds eye and ego.
We can pack achievements into days like rice into onigiri balls- every day in every way we are better and better; more knowledgeable, with more space for softness, more multi-coloured and more aware. Time flys and within these jam packed days, somehow looking back always ‘only feels like yesterday’. However there is a comfort in this reflection for when times seem tough- it feels huge when you are in it- but it’s a glinkle in the big picture and will inevitably pass. Look through the corners and as long as no-one has lost an eye, all can be fixed!
These rings were carved by the phenomenal Japanese artist Fumio Noguchi who is descendant of samurai. He lives in Stoke, Nelson, New Zealand- I adore his work. They are my travel companions and remind me of my direction and motivations.
Jurōjin (寿老人) is one of the Seven Gods of Fortune in the Taoist religion. This faith is built on the concept of unity and opposites; yin and yang. Jurojin is the god of longevity and wisdom. This is signified by his large forehead and long ear lobes.
To reinforce my travel buddies for adventure I went to my incredible friend Steph Lusted who set them in silver and engraved the words 'Wanderlust' and 'Vision' upon them. Both make me smile with their jolly expressions ^+^
Otafuku is a Japanese Shinto Goddess representing good luck, happiness and fertility. Despite her homely appearance it was said her sincerity and purity of spirit would encourage even the dark hearted to rethink their agenda.
2015 was my year of Passion and Trepidation. Learning a helluva lot more about love and facing niggles and anxieties head on. It was the year of analysing and recognising emotions and honestly appraising and accepting my flaws and past. I personally and professionally achieved all my hearts desires, and once close evaluated where I wanted to be and what I wanted to achieve next- Miss Squirrel tucks into rebuilding zee nut pile ;) I reordered and recognised vices and honestly evaluated my motives. I have always achieved what I have set my mind to, but this year I challenged myself to push further into the realm of achieving goals where I could not plan or foresee the entire project. Dreams where my heart and mind could see where I was going, but where reality and peoples opinions deemed my ideas unfeasible. Dreams where in the real world I left on international adventures with little to no budget but belief in my skills and personality. I love when people say ‘you cant do that’- where there is a will there is a way, and I have a very large tool kit to draw from.
I learnt first hand that nothing stays the same- home is within you; sometimes we get lured by the notion that we can go back to the familiar. I returned to New Zealand mid year because of an accident and turned this u-turn into the production and exhibition of new artwork- a purpose for being back while I repaired, but myself and my surroundings were on new terms. Purpose and motive needs to be ahead of desire and longing.
Christmas time in Delft, Netherlands
I love getting the coloured felt tip pens out and a HUGE piece of paper and brain bubbling all the achievements, ticked goals, topics or events of interest down on the paper. Highlighted and materialised from your mental blackboard to physical white paper has a powerful effect and a bloody good excuse to use glitter pens and those amazing pencils that have like seven different coloured cores all together, yet don't quite hit the mark for presentations as they always want to stick on yellow so the dude at the back can't see lol. Ever need to resolve a problem or work a direction out- this technique is my go to. You cant deny the pros and cons when they are black and white (or purple), and you cant help but laugh when everyone wants the same colour.
Amsterdam skyline
Persevere, be patient and dedicate everything to your beliefs. Condition yourself to never give up- nothing knocks me down for long. The sports I adore, the languages I speak, the music I play and the passions I follow all knock me back once in a while, and some more than that. But I always keep trying. You WILL have an accident as a motorcyclist, as with snowboarding- a grounding un-elegant whack to the ego, body and spirit- but this just makes us stronger from learning a new lesson. Speaking another language challenges us to navigate bloopers and translations; we’ve all had an awkward turtle cruise by, and so does playing music or creating art. Nothing is perfect- and my god what a plate of bland it would be if it could get that way! Yes, sometimes what you can get yourself into can be really really embarrassing in hindsight- but honestly, it all comes out in the wash.. and well, if it doesn't, who doesn't love retail therapy?…
Technology is the product of imagination but I see real time interaction as like comparing skinny and full fat milk- they both do the same trick but one has a bit more oomph. The media combined with the accessibility of the technology of today, is subconsciously reinforcing unrealistic ideas of ‘perfection’. Things, people and identities don't feel right when they are bought or superimposed and there is no way your ducks will ever perfectly line up. Letting your subconscious float with images or comparisons where the perception is that this is a complete package does no good. Turn off- GO OUTSIDE
Our souls don't integrate and sing an experience by watching it or sticking it on: be. proud. in. your. skin. Media doesn't make your brain PAINT the image in your head. Imagination and vision is the most powerful tool we have, because quite literally, if you can harness this power you can create your dreams. It is only a Western view that dreaming at night is the by-product of a resting body- a huge proportion of the world has known for centuries that this time and these images are much more powerful and alive. Real deal zebras earn their stripes from trial and error and getting up and trying all over again in the savannah with mud and creepy crawlies and all sorts of curveball challenges.
Delft
It will not be long before we can eat, touch, use all our senses and create within a digital existence- the beginnings are already there: the emotive connections to what we see and hear, remote robotics engineering and creative software. What are the pros and cons of this interaction, what really is the definition of ‘tangible’ and what is the cost to us as organic interactive mammals? How does this effect traditional imagination and perception? The balance of power between virtual and real is tipping.. This is the evolution of our race which is exhilarating, but I foresee new frameworks to exist within this that will bring interesting challenges. Core principles of evolution have been the same for millennia- perhaps now a little harder to see through white noise. With open eyes life works out; where once it was a letter now is an email, we fly rather than sail, we can tweet our thoughts and get introduced to other likeminded people in a bat of an eyelid on the other side of the globe- but this all happens for a reason on what your life is doing.
Every day older is a wonder. As a woman and a human, I only see benefits in how we age. We are such incredible creatures with unique energies that grow stronger if we give them the right conditions. Age helps us tweak the mix and refine the ingredients. I have grown amongst elders who are dynamic, passionate, intellectual and openminded, traits which have encouraged me to develop in the same way and gift my time to others who are curious and engaged: learn from those you admire but trust yourself to create your own story. Value age; don't buy into other peoples dismissive attitiude- make your own decisions on your own terms. The people who genuinely value and adore you will stay stuck to you too come hell or high water. As a woman, I feel empowered, within my skin and stronger every day older- not to mention sexier- I worry less and embraced the immensely powerful notion that no-one can hurt me apart from myself and the ones I love. There is a strength and resolve that comes from this that is truly liberating.
The Hague: Hotel Des Indes and the Escher Museum on the far right... more to come on this one!
I have always been very proud of my country, culture and in love with the land of Aotearoa- but my adoration has grown with a new appreciation of what it means to be a New Zealander. My ancestors were some of the first to arrive in The Land of the Long White Cloud; far OUT they had pioneering spirit- whatever we push ourselves to do today is really rather timid and diminished by the enormity of what our predecessors undertook. We have history, colour, passion in our very very new country. Adventure and discovery is in the blood of each and every person who travels to this far land to make their home. History with both good and bad and blood on the hands of both parties. This needs to be embraced and not adapted and appropriated to fit- other mature cultures don't do this- comes back to learning how to be comfortably uncomfortable. We magpie and collect things from all around the world and bring them back home where we refine them- but I’m calling that we are doing to much of this to our heritage also. This cannot be rewritten, refined or embellished. History is not perfect. I am a mongrel- we all are- we are mixed and multicultural. No-one is ‘pure NZ’- we are one people with a culture that is so world leading it is incredible (if not a little fun police sometimes..). I look towards a future in my country where there is unity in diversity and where our history and stories are told in truth by ALL parties. We are a magnificent people- it is no wonder that individuals and teams amongst this go on to do, create and become incredible humans with unique achievements. Our integrity, sense of play and follow through is unparalleled. We don't look for the holes in dreams; when the rest of the world is going ‘WTF?!’ we go ‘soo I’ve got the car keys..’
Even the way we travel is unique. We are spontaneous, courageous and ready to adapt. It is intimidating booking a one way flight with fluid plans and only the first nights acomm organised, but you get into a ripple.. I cant think of anything worse than being tied into a box and an allocated itinerary! Pat on the back wee Kiwis- from our glorious island with a teeny population- we sure get around. ‘Salt of the Earth’ I’ve been called on more than one occasion- yes. we. are. (and not far from J.R. Tolkiens leaf smoking hobbits who get on to Mordor and back to the Shire and everywhere in-between…. urg God we are NEVER going to shake this are we)
Bronze at Scheveningen Beach, The Hague
Kiwis have vision. New Zealanders BELIEVE we can do what we need to do, we grow up encouraged to visualise what we want to be and we are surrounded by idols who reinforce that by setting your mind to what you want, you can and will become what is in your heart. The cherry on the top is that by doing this you will meet the ones you idolise, and that is a very powerful and heart warming thing indeed. Ingenious and driven Kiwi spirits of note that have inspired me: Burt Munro (motorbike designer) to Richard Pearse (aircraft engineer, pilot and 1st man to fly) and Kate Sheppard (suffragette). Lorde (musician), John Britten (motorbike designer), Bruce McLaren (racing driver) to Jean Batten (pioneering aviator- 1st solo flight from London to Auckland) and our beloved All Blacks- what immense power is directed with them on the pitch as all over the globe we gather, anticipate and believe they will win and deliver… that is a LOT of directed energy! Shit- global warming? Maybe our world is just slowly heating because no one likes the cold?!?!! lol… We encourage the underdog, have accessible resources and ATTITUDE. Attitude is everything.
'The Lion and the Mouse' bronze at Scheveningen Beach, The Hague
Creativity comes as a response to pain- if everything was smooth sailing what I would produce would be boring. Evocative art has emotion. Design come from technical skill and ability. My art comes from deep inside me. My creations are the legacy of sensation and sometimes it is not until a while after that I see where they fit in my story and why I have produced them. There is something rather nice about this though as it’s inherently cathartic, and by the time this realisation dawns I am well into another direction. Love and Despair -there is nothing in this world without love, no money and no power- everyone must wake up in the knowledge that someone else is waking up thinking of them, because everyone has someone. Next time you meet an artist at their opening show though, give them a phenomenal quality and loooong hug- it'll be well earned and bloody immensely appreciated (Glasses, your hug midyear was unbeatable xo)
Be effervescent- see those bubble rise off yourself.
The shortest day has past- so my body clock can come from hibernation mode and start winding back towards sunlight (yayyy!) while in the Antipodeans wheel out the barbie, get the smoker hot and toasty for some fresh fish, lay the cray pots and dive for paua. Grab zee ‘kini, your most colourful dress or shirt, floppy hat and soak those rays babio!
Steal your kiddies crayons or treat your paws to the colourful pencil section at the art store. Make use of the brown paper after the F&C’s to draw out those desires for 2016.
What are you super uber duper proud of yourself for this last year?! (Yeah baby pat that back!)
AND
What do you desire more than anything for this one coming?
You deserve it- and hey, don't think it's crazy- there is always something bigger or crazier out there!
Go for it... I DARE you ^+^
Clouds in Your Sky
The necessity of selflessness and self knowledge; transcending the ego, searching for ourselves is as junkies to an obliterating passion.
In nature animals follow the heard, fish swim in the sea, sloths lie in the trees, koala get high off leaves; the trees grow to the sun and the stars shine their brightest yet humans are driven to pursue conquest, process and duty; in some cases to circumnavigate directly striving to be the essence of what our hearts drive us towards.
It is not everyone's dream to be good and moral, nor is it everyone's path to strive for self acceptance or knowledge. This journey, with varying amounts of success, the search for self : is both flawed and contradictory... which is also kinda what makes it so fun! I believe we need to know why we have become the person we are, and that by embracing risk and uncertainty we can convert fear into fire which fuels our compulsion to grow and strive to be better.
We strive to accept ourselves in order to be individual, and surrender our limitations and desires in a fruitless search for free conscious. But conscious is the chatter and we are but parts of different packs- there is no way to be individual because just by trying you put yourself in another group. Often these contradictions and evaluations have caused me both joy and contemplation. My passions and appearance align me on first impression to others into many stereotypes- which can be a means to an end of finding amazing individuals who see value in investing time beyond their initial estimations. Many people also don't take notice of the finer subtle details i.e.: the difference between being tattooed with your own design v another's or other subtle shifts or motivations. I love playing and exploring these concepts with others because as with making things, there is no other way to do this than to throw yourself in and get going. Interaction is ultimately un-emulateable and impossible to recreate and in my opinion is the most creative thing a person can ever do for themselves and others; push to evolve.
Self knowledge/ acceptance is a circular path with no beginning; end nor resolution. By running around this track without recognising and validating growth and achievement we become engaged on a journey in loop. My brain dislikes loops- it prefers open ended tangents with fluttery ends in opportunity which makes it very important to substantiate personal growth. But hey!- what can be more fascinating than figuring out these things for within this is the secrets of the Universe and all that is around us.
The part of conscious which wants to change itself IS the part to be changed- which is impossible. Here comes the money-shot: because in this liberating awareness you realise your looping Monkey brain; which believes it is driving the manifestation of motives and desires, is completely selfish- limited and false. A rather humiliating, bracing and necessary slap in the moosh- but one where I hit a middle line. In some ways immensely pessimistic in a glorious optimism. Pooof! I stopped fighting with myself. We know contentment is not found in money, things or places- but I challenge that the pursuit in itself has to be moderated into measure. An advertisement for a product you already own; you don't need an upgrade; the ad ultimately looks dated and hilarious in hindsight. What a privilege it is to even have time to concern myself with the concept.
To some there is a concept of life journey where you must come through earning your stripes as we say, bringing you to a point where you are allowed to see the world for the incredible joyous place it is. An environment in which we are allowed to shine with our energy and no exceptions. Actually, just as we would unquestionably give to this to a child- as an adult we deserve this too.
An active mind, strong will, adventurous spirit is my gunpowder but we all have our special ways of carving our lines. Opinion is cloud in the sky, beautifully obscuring the view of the vastness beyond: the realisation of the enormity and diversity of experience. A shift in thinking our brain and abilities makes and decides all our life decisions- for me a recognition of my arrogance to assume my brain and actions in totality control my world without being woven into an energy bigger than myself.
If you are an apple you cannot become a banana, nor can a potato be incorporated into a fruit salad- yet each has it's own place; an experience and gift unique to the core of it's flavour. The best is brought out when combined correctly with the right paring and celebrated. However dear vegetables and fruits, we have the right to choose what bowl we jump into and what shapes we are chopping up as!
I knew very early what my path in life was, what my true gift to give and where my passions and strengths lie and that I can sense and feel differently to others- but I wavered and succumbed to jealousy and pressure, from my community and myself to shape and remould. A wonderful and vibrant path with positives, negatives, variation and in no way anything which I regret, an incredible life- but I believe the calmness in myself, the connection I feel in my heart and the world I am inhabiting, and the concept of what I must do next is my calling on track. There are many many ways to work, live and exist in this life. I realised mine is enriched by faith in the energy around me and powers bigger than myself.
In this blog there are no photos, no advice, no pointers on places to go in London and where I am now because it is of no consequence. The only things, the most joyous things I have, are the connection to what I am here on this earth to do; to give and to proceed with, and a knowledge it will happen. My knowledge, impressions and perspective are nothing to you but clouds in your horizon of perspective.
You do not need a guidebook, or a map or opinions on places and experience- especially you do not need those- see heavy obscuring thunderstorm looming. You don't need friends and people to hold your hand- go GET the people, or make them along the way and go PLAY; likeminded people drop in together. Our paths find ways to get us on track- it is fruitless to fight being. Dreams and personal passions don't need to be 'liked' or aired to others. In my experience the amazing things you will produce will create the most resistance- you WANT this; it means it's unique, challenging and counterpoint to the norm. The frequency of our souls sing when you hit the travellator- it clicks in place and your dreams conspire and whisper between themselves to manifest in reality. Urg: Unfortunate use of the word of the moment; but it flows. Our instincts tell us when it feels and smells right- we can see it and sense it in others and this is reflected within ourselves.
I do not propose to have the answers. I have nice big wobbly flaws, but just as the shoelace on my Chucks has two ends so does every spectrum- our flaws are only on the other end of our beauty. I know my story and continue with my own, as to live, to laugh, to be alive is an immense privilege. We are but versions of the same with unlimited, untapped potential; each generation a little further refined, just like an app update ;) Perhaps this is where my love of youth and children lies, because I know they will be a little 'more' than I am and can be. I have always adored my elders; to hear and share their knowledge and experience is a gift so special. In myself; I know and posses more than some and less than others, but hit the world with arms wide.
This being is not to ‘exist to exist’ as this is to assume sitting and waiting- doing nothing in some enlightened and transcended state. Fight for what you want and open your eyes to opportunity; it’s eeeeeeeeverywhere in so many different forms. It is irresistible to feel and compelling to experience the terror of the Unknown. The Heart looks after itself- give a banana to the Monkey brain and chase your horizon.
I challenge that humans come full loop. That the essence of ourselves and our passions is set rather early on and that success; flow and enjoyment in WHATEVER we really really love (whether that is plucking chooks to playing the stock exchange) and decide is our vocation. This harks back to things we took up early on in childhood. It is another chapter in the kids in the sandpit story I shared when I advertised this direction through indiegogo. When we are little in kindergarten there are all the different personalities in the sandpit- the kid eating the sand, the child building amazing things, the tot who has ALL the toys and won’t share, the whippersnapper who desperately wants to be IN the sandpit with everyone else yet is terrified to get in. As we grow- we take and add skills and techniques onto this essential core of our personalities. The culinary master, the architect or engineer, the Mum, the property mogul.. but we all want to be in there playing together, even the ones who are not sure- who may only want to touch the sand then retreat until they feel the need or desire to try another component of the game.
I am referring to predisposition. When you start snowboarding (or skateboarding or surfing) the easiest way to figure out what is your ‘dominant’ leg (i.e. the leg which will be in-front when you direct where you are going) is to get someone to come up behind you and give you a surprising shove from behind. Whatever leg you put out first to break your fall is the leader. Goofy with right in front, natural with left. I ride goofy- no surprises there lol; I can go into all sorts of funny anecdotes to life with picking your riding/ chairlift/ snow partners that occurs from the mix you encounter in your friends and other fellow mountain buddies. But what I am trying to get across here, is that we tend towards a preference. It’s SOO much fun to explore these things though- in WHATEVER capacity, and figure out what we like- or don’t like. It goes both ways however- if you TRULY are an asshole deep down then you will come to terms with that also and collect others who share your energy. I find though its nice to go with what's natural- what feels good and gives you that slightly sick/ air turbulence/ heart flutter/ borderline similar to fear response in our chests and bodies. I am an adrenaline junkie- this feeling is what I crave and love- it's the skippy purr next to my heart which makes my cheeks pink and lights my eyes.
My decisions and curiosities don’t keep me in the mainstream. I find and make friends where I go but I am not tied into perpetrating networks with people that life has let pass on, or that I need to hold my hand- but this is anything but easy. There is a difference between aloneness and loneliness though. I love aloneness (which can be packed with people!) but loneliness is the shadow below that leaf that can be easy to slip into until the back catalogue of acceptance and understanding catches up. THIS is what I am always learning more about- a recognition and acceptance of my emotions and feelings. One is solid cheddar- one is hole-y Swiss ;)
My internal compass and direction and drive for what I want can set me apart from the group but I am very much a pack animal. Perhaps more the lone wolf of this pack who desires exploration and discovery; who needs time apart to chase opportunity- but I also love nothing more than to care and be cared for in environments with diversity. We can take on skills left, right and centre- we can work our way in and back out of habits, addictions and behaviour- but you can't pick up nor discard passion. We reorder our vices in order to make room for other ones- hopefully more productive pastimes. Given encouragement our Hearts drive us through and past our fears towards our loves.
What did you do in your childhood that is highlighted in colour? Right off the bat makes you smile and your heart jump a little?
Japan Autumn Festival Time! 🍃🌿🌾🍄🍂🍁
The leaves are slowly changing from gold to burnt terracotta, the days are getting shorter, the sunsets getting more vivid and slooooowly, ever so gently, Japan is slipping into winter. It's simply glorious.
Unlike my home in New Zealand where gale force winds, extremes and theatricality of weather patterns and a shunting, pushing and less visual departmentalising of the seasons gathers us up and deposits us in colder months, Japan is so very much more elegant about this transition. Dare I say; more organic. Although I miss the push and pull- the fever and passion of New Zealand's weather, climate and landscape is intrinsically woven into my psyche. Yin and Yang. Living in an environment where I haven't had to worry about 'bringing things in', 19 incase items of clothing or the environmental challenges of getting from A to B, has been really pleasurable- but has made me giggle as my mind still thinks these things over.
I love a party, and especially here positivity is accompanying this new period in Japan. It is a time of celebration, reflection and progression- looking forwards to winter and what delights this brings. The intensity and passion of the autumn festival happenings is totally infectious and kinetic. Being a winter bunny at heart I adore the tidings of colder months as they announce opportunity for adventure; snow and playtime within. But as I get older I understand more the longing and sadness of some for Summer, with her gentle comforts, easier living and melancholy that leaving another quarter of memories behind can bear.
Tonosho Hashimangu Shrine
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Memories and longing are an immensely powerful emotional combination- ones that encourage us to turn back, to live in the past, as they can become glossier and massively assertive. But these must be looked at, cared for, touched and placed BACK into the filing cabinet with love and respect- because we cannot go that direction. That can be tremendously hard- I find this tremendously hard. Yes, we must be positive, but we can love and hold our negative. The environment of Japan for me hightens this need as it itself is not encompassing of negative. Japanese language is extremely complex when communicating anything dissentient; all the niceness can get you a little in need of an outlet! But this is my story, my experience- you will carve your own and come to your own values. For me it comes down to love- for others, for myself, for the world we have the pleasure to inhabit. I was given a heavy dosing of this to give and have experienced the full spectrum of love beyond measure; it is a gift to continue best as I can to keep this wheel going and build on it. Being loved makes you brave but to give love makes you fearless.
Each morning I have my Inspector Gaget talk with myself: “Your mission today, if you choose to accept it… blah blah blah what I am working on”. Priority positive number one. Yes it may make me want me to ‘self destruct in 5 seconds’ at some point during the day- but I remind myself: in the morning you chose to accept this, and you can get through. My injuries, the physical pain and discomfit I am now in most days by mid-afternoon greatly affects my psyche and I need mental reminders like this to put things back in perspective. I am a fix it, add to it, sort it personality- if I do not mentally do this I have a catalogue of negative behaviours which I can revert to. I prefer not to- I look at them and think- ‘Been there, done that, got the t-shit, puked on it, washed it, re-wore it… rather wear something else thank you for your reminder ;) they were interesting times in the past”.
Other times- when I have bitten off a large chunk of action to chew on and I feel I might be getting speed wobbles, I remember when I first started snowboarding. I LOVE snowboarding, snow, mountain action. I LOVED keeping up with my partner who was much better than me at that point- and I am fiercely competitive. I would smash myself up quite horrendously when I was learning how to ride- they say pushing 6% more than what you currently sit at is a healthy amount of stress indusive to bettering yourself. I used to go redline in almost everything. There are two ways down the mountain. You can heel side it and grind your way to the bottom; yep you got there, but it was painful for everyone involved. Or you can ease off a notch and get in flow. I highly recommend going through option one and coming quickly to option two- especially to conserve the old relationship matters- I learnt to just stop and sit down- yeah you get a wet bum, but the cluster-fuck will pass and worse case scenario; it all comes out in the wash.
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Some say ‘We can become what we fear’ which is why I am here. I push to face my demons but realisation does not come from fear. I brought myself back here to get down and dirty with the sugar, the spice and the inbetween that makes me me because by b.e.i.n.g I also make some amazing productive things, become a better person and meet wonderful other humans that are going through life learning and living. Just like my surroundings, I am transitioning from this with enlightenment, bumps, colour and new viewpoints- but it aint all gloss and never will be- but that’s me; and this is LIFE- I want the whole hog; the extremes; but I didn’t want to recognise the price I must pay for this- I had to become even with the things that haunted me also. The wonderful thing about growing through transition and active participation is that when we re-group our metaphysics, we are inevitably a better, stronger version than before.
Fear is stressful. In small doses it can be indusive to pushing us beyond our limits- but in larger portions it can be immensely counterproductive. However- sometimes it can be very hard to distinguish what is pleasure and what is pain. I garner an extra ordinate amount of pleasure out of what may be considered pain, or another way of looking at it may be my pain threshold is too high; along with my expectation threshold of the ones who love me to watch or join me on this path; and I have an underestimation of the cost of this. This being pysical, mental, emotional and spiritual. When you are more intimately connected with your surroundings you are intune and feeding off every energy. There is nothing to fear, but worries must be worked out and through. I do not fear death, or love or life- those cornerstones, I believe, make circumstances where you rise with the connections you feel rather than blocking or imposing barriers because of perceived image or ego.
I love walking at night. In dodgy areas, we puff proud and resolute when passing under the streetlights- showing off our plumage; strong, impenetrable, ain’t buying into the danger around us and when the darkness envelops us, quicken our steps and get on through to the next lamp where we can open our wings. But where I see the true art is to slow down and feel and experience the dark and deal with what comes at you, just like in the light; with genuine integrity, passion and respect. I am primal- fear is what makes me feel, instinct is what drives me and a drive to be better, to know myself and accept myself for the whole package. It’s absolutely fucking terrifying sometimes.
The one me has many angles- there are many hats, many facets and one helluva conscious and internal monolog. I met someone once who said they had absolutely no little voice in their head- totally blindsided me. I'm happy with mine until the day it goes silent- then I know somethings serious really is up! Is mine my creativity?- I believe it is my heart and spirit and I have unequivocal intuition to follow it. I give less of a fuck about worrying about it. Shake it like a polaroid baby and just shine as is. The world is huge- you will inevitably find others who think similar- let the haters slip to the wayside- there are shit loads of 'em if you are flying your flag high, but there also comes the people who respect and understand how hard it is to do just that. I am honest, unique and not everyones favourite jelly bean- but I am true to myself and what my radar inclines me ride- and I get you- I see the how, the why and I don’t judge for it. You are what you are- and there comes a point when you realise that self evaluation, self bettering is actually completely counterproductive and useless- you. are. what. you. are. just get. ooooon wit it.
An old employer said to me once “I get the impression that when you walk down the street, you are the type of person that when a crazy is coming towards you, you don’t avert your eyes- you SEE them”. Hell yes. Don’t avert your eyes. My journey has taken me to the brink, past and back into the light so there is no fear for me in what I can see in others. I understand journeys are our own and the complexities that these will bring. I unabashedly air (in my head) my dirty laundy and hang it out to dry on a daily basis.. and then make more and have to do another load in a few days time. Took me a long time to stop getting pissed that the laundry basket kept filling up and none else was helping me unfill it though- but as I get older the washing pile is greatly diminishing also!
We have the answers inside us. They don’t exist in a relationship or a belonging. Experience gives us a bigger toolkit and sometimes makes it harder to select actually what tool you now need- but whoever upstairs dealt out why and how we are has put us here to take these and use them to effect. I, just like us all, get the wrong tool, don’t think I have the right tool and freak out sometimes I NEEEEEED more tools- but it simply is not the case. Nothing like sending yourself to an island in the middle of a completely different culture to move on with this and many other wonderful perspectives. Experience is knowledge, knowledge is power, but coming to grips with the effect this has is compassionate love for yourself. Fuck the art- thats a product of yesterdays news; experience and these learning lessons- ain’t this what it’s all about in life?
The world will spin, we will be up, down, and sideways- but inevitably we have new days and these hold the most incredible opportunity for living- untagged and unlabelled as a nominated name or vocation and get to bumping, cuddling, clicking and jiving our energy with the other spirits that inhabit our zone. On darker days, yes put a smile on your dial, but you don’t have to ‘fake it till you make it’-- we all have pain. Have a sit in the park, close the eyes and listen to your breath- the birds- the engines- the footsteps- and feel what colour you are beautiful human… wait, it will change.. enjoy this change and LOOK at it from all angels, turn it over and give it a squish and watch it develop, and resume your day with that just b.e.i.n.g, being the exceptional ok. ॐ
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o-O ⭕️ 〰 👀 〰 ⭕️ O-o
Last time I was in the Setouchi islands and visited Teshima I missed going to Teshima Yokoo House. Well Well WELL- sooo happy I went for a round two. Every day is different and seeing the other art installations and presentations three months later was fascinating all over in new lights. Gotta say though- I'm now a rather big fan of Yokoo. His work is colourful, thought provoking and intriguing- the architecture of this installation is fascinating. I spun around and around with my arms wide in the mirrored 'chimney' lined with postcards of waterfalls and thoroughly enjoyed what this did to my senses!
The "Teshima Yokoo House", a collaboration between artist Tadanori Yokoo and architect Yuko Nagayama, was created by altering and renovating an old private house located in a hamlet in the Ieura District, facing the harbor that forms the entrance to Teshima Island. Making full use of the building's existing layout, the exhibition areas are divided into a "Main House," a "Warehouse," and an "Outhouse," displaying 11 two-dimensional works. Other features–a stone garden with a pond, and a cylindrical tower–are devoted to installations, so that the art spaces seem to expand symbolically to cover the entire site, making it a philosophical zone that simultaneously calls to mind thoughts of both life and death. Thanks to the building's use of tinted glass to control light and color, the sunshine, breezes, and natural hues of the island, as well as the artworks themselves, assume a range of different appearances, turning visitors' spatial experience into a series of interconnected collages.
Concept＆Artworks: Tadanori Yokoo Architecture: Yuko Nagayama
o-O ⭕️ 〰 👀 〰 ⭕️ O-o
Funny Bumps and Travel Tips for Tokyo (+ a little domesticity)
I am a little in LOVE with Tokyo- it's kinda sneaked up on me, very quietly like, and then all of a sudden, I fully recognised how much I very much adore where I am. Cheeeeeeky!!
This blog post is about hitting travel in Tokyo and shares some of my tips for ironing out little road bumps to make things easy like ;)
First a funny wee story about crossing the road... No-one j-walks here- you do it once or twice, and then the feeling of a million eyes on you makes you tap into line pretty quick- although, sometimes it's nice to do it, just to remind yourself you can step out of line hehe. SO: Each time I would come to a crossing I would be waiting patiently for the red man to change to green. As it would flick over I, with my fellow crossing camaraderie, would take a step to move forwards. DOOF! I would nearly walk over the person in front of me! "Gomenasai!! Sorry, Sorry" I would say, thinking- what the hell?! I left plenty of space?! Finally it dawned on me, I was taking a good 5'9" sized step, but my fellow crossers were only 1/2 my height, so weren't travelling as far!
It's the funniest stuff that hit's you sideways here :))
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GETTIN' MOVIN! The tips you need in ONE place to get around Tokyo & Japan
Suica- your best friend for travel in and around Tokyo!
This is a re-chargable (most convenience stores and at all rail/ subway stations), pay as you go card for JR trains, Metro subway, buses and even buying stuff where the pass is displayed. BOOM easy!
Psst- between these, 100Yen shops and Lawson's, you are set for life... seriously.
Cash Passport- it means you can load multiple currencies and not have to carry wads of cash on you. You can get cash out (without charges at ATM's located at 7/11 convenience stores (logo left)- which are located everywhere in Japan. (They are the only ATM's I have found though that lets you do this). You can pay for goods where credit cards are accepted and it works as a debit card by doing this. Reloading takes three days as you do a bill payment from your NZ account. Super convenient and stress-free, and they even provide you with two cards incase something happens to one of them! Heads up though- Japan runs on cash, so you need cachinga on you- especially for paying for accommodation.
The best app ever developed in my opinion for budget travellers! It GPS tracks you without having WIFI and allows you to download detailed maps of where you are, when you do have a connection. Without WIFI, you can search for all sorts of things like museums, post offices, atm's, resteraunts and clubs etc. This wee puppy has been A LIFE SAVER!
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HULA-JAMMIES and BADMINTON BAGS
So THE COOLEST thang a 7 & 11 year old can have in Japan right now is custom bags for your gear. There's this chick that likes makin stuff- so she's thinking- what better way to put those skills to use right?- cos little girls (just like grown up ones) need pretty things to make life cool ;)
Plus, who can resist sewing a cover for a hula hoop that is called a 'Hula-Jammie' ?! HEHEHE
Feel free to holla if you'd like patterns or pointers ;D
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"KUCHIKASEYA MOIRA" is Japanese Photographer. Fetish & Nard...
I went to an eye poppingly cool presentation by this Babette. Check out her photos HERE
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I love making things for others which remind me of home (click to enlarge) ^=^
CITRUS FUDGE
STRAWBERRY SHORT-KOOK
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Particle Fever is a 2013 documentary film tracking the first round of experiments at the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland. Geneva, Switzerland. The film follows the experimental physicists at CERN who run the experiments, as well as the theoretical physicists who attempt to provide a conceptual framework for the LHC's results. The film begins in 2008 with the first firing of the LHC and concludes in 2012 with the successful identification of the Higgs boson. I see strong parallels in Art, creativity and dynamic thought. I enjoy the way this movie illustrates Human curiosity about our world and why it is made the way it is. Science is fascinating, thought provoking and super cool. I love this stuff ^^
The art in using chopsticks... (check out the hand position and the finger placement) I thought I had it down, until a kind Otoosan (Pop's) gave me a few pointers to look a little more Eastern ^=^
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𝒞𝓊𝓇𝓇𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓁𝓎 𝓁𝑜𝒸𝒶𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓃:
𝓙𝓪𝓹𝓪𝓷 | 2014
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